Tuesday 10th December 2013:

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The second thing that really pisses me off...and I mean pisses me off has to be Christmas Lights.

Why do homeowners take their lights down every year? Because they know that they're fucking ugly.

If the lights looked good, people would leave them up right? If for some reason you insist on Christmas lights (baby Jesus sure did love ostentatious displays of unnecessary spending) please follow two simple rules;

1 - Consistency of colour and illumination - nothing looks tackier than blue, yellow, green, orange, orange, orange red, pink; and nothing looks more ghetto than one strand of lights that flashes quickly, one that flashes slowly and one that doesn't flash at all.

2 - No "icicle lights" - while they can be applauded for generally being uniform in colour, they sure as hell don't look like icicles. They look like a raccoon has gotten at your wiring and created a fire hazard.

Why the fuck you would put everybody else through this torture I haven't a clue but please, please just fucking stop it, my life is miserable enough without your interference thank you very much.

Yours sincerely,

The Big Bad Bastard.

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