Sons of Anarchy one shorts and imagines

Chibs - Not Where I belong

It had been building up for months and it was bound to happen sooner of later. I would explode letting all of the frustrations of my entire life come out in one big fatal swoop which would potentially destroy my relationship with my mother forever...but it had to be done.

"I want to go live with my da!" I say aggressively towards my mum as she stands in the kitchen tending to my half brother James.

"We've had this conversation Y/N!" Ye can't just move to Charming, your school is here m, yer mates" Mum answers sternly "me, your dad and your siblings, we are all here. Your real family" her voice rises with volume as she speaks only causing my anger to grow and the tension in the room to thicken.

The family she is referring to is not mine, that was made clear a long time ago. She met her now husband in one of the local pubs and in a few shorts months he had moved in and mum was prevents for the first time since me. That was 12 years ago and since then she's had 3 more children. Molly, the first and the oldest of them of 12 years. Robert who is now 8, Billy who is now 6 and he newest of them all James, only 2 years old and my favourite of them all. Including mum.

"Ma Family is where dad is, not here with some pain in the arse bookie who thinks he can tell me wit ta dae and make me call him da! And what's worse is that you make me, you actually scold me for calling him John! He's never going to be my real dad and this is never going to be my home or my family! What the fuck don't ye understand about that!" My volume matched hers and I watch it in her face as a realisation over comes her.

I am no longer a child anymore and she can no longer expect me to swallow the lies she feeds me about my real biological father, she can no longer expect me to be content with a chaperoned yearly visit. She can no longer make up excuses as to why I can't stay with him over the holidays, she can no longer tell me that he doesn't care about me because I know him now and I know and I know that everything she has told me about him is so far from the truth that it sickens me. She told me her was a drunk, a murderer, a gang member someone to fear and although some of these things may be true she left out the utterly amazing things about my dad.

This is why the realisation of this stuns her, the realisation that her biggest fear has come true. That I am no longer hers to lie to and hide away, I am my own person. I don't want to be hers anymore, I want my father and he wants me. And with this realisation she lets a sigh escape her lips, a painful and oh so tired that causes my chest to tighten because, even though she lied and betrayed my trust she is still my mother, and I love my mother. She bounces James on her hip softly but with a tight grip on the bundle of joy which is practically attached to her hip.

"Your him all over, you know that?" Her voice breaks as she speaks and my heart breaks "his eyes, his hair, all his facial expressions and the way he carries himself. So sure and so confident, you got it all and I'm sorry I denied that part of you for so long baby girl" she breaths a deep breath "I'll phone him and he can take you back with him" the tears fall silently down our faces, both for different reasons but both equally painful as they do so.

"I don't want to hurt you mum, but I don't want to be here, I don't belong here anymore" I speak nothing but truth as I say this but hurt flashes across her face and I instantly hate that I feel this way, but I've lived on this earth for fifteen years and this is the first time I've saw my mother cry. It crumbles me. It shatters my heart but it had to be done.

She phones my dad trying to get it done before John and the other kids got home "take on of her duffle bags and put some cloths, things like your laptop and chargers. I'll send all your things over and that will take about a week or so bring enough to last you until then" she's in mum mode making sure I'm going to be alright, making sure that I'll have everything but she's hiding behind a very high very big wall which she seemed to have built up within seconds after crying in front of me l. Most likely because she new dad would be here in a half hour since he and the ready of the guys made their way here in case my mum agreed to let me go, which she has. When she says this I do not move I stand still and she mirrors me. I give her a sad smile and she mirrors me.