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Stubborn hearts

3°C
04:59 AM

After our first fight it all started. We fought more. Every time we would meet it would always end up in a fight. We both hated to fight, even if it seemed like we didn't.

We were both very stubborn as we stood by our opinions and thoughts. 

Then we started making giant mistakes. 

I'll never forget 29th of August.

That day we've hit the bottom. And our hearts grew colder.

°°°

° 29th of August °

10°C
22:05 PM

"You're going to run away like always , aren't you?!" I asked provocatively as he was leaving due to our argument. 

"I hate you." He whispered in anger as he was putting his jacket on.

It made my knees feel weak and I felt powerless.

I fell down on the floor.

"Then take this and fuck off." I said and ripped off my necklace with his ring attached on it. I threw it at him as I watched his reaction.

He was pissed off so he just looked at me and left as he slammed my bedroom door.

I closed my eyes as I felt my tears roll down my cheeks.

Oh God, I cried so much it made my head hurt. I knew he was on his way to go drink. He always did after our fights.

I screamed and kicked everything around my room. It made me so angry I went to the bathroom and fell down on the floor. I leaned against the bathtub.

I felt the numbness. I couldn't move much. I barely kept my eyes open. 

And then I found the razor. 

I remembered Amy and how she cut her wrists when she heard mum left us. I was only a little girl and I had no idea what she was doing. All I could do is stare at her as I tightly held my teddy bear. The way her grey eyes were red from crying. And I cried too when I realised she was in pain.

I stared at the razor for a long time until I pressed it against my wrist. I watched the blood drip out as I felt it slightly burn. I continued cutting, as I was to scared to go close to the vein.

I realised why it was so addictive.

After about an hour of me lying on the floor and blood still coming out of my arm I heard someone come upstairs to my room. 

I saw Simon stand in shock.

He was still holding his bottle of vodka. But judging from his look, seeing me like this made him completely sober up.

"Sunnie! What happened?" He quickly sat next to me, dropping his bottle.

"You shouldn't have left." I replied, barely remaining conscious. 

"And you drank, again." I cried out. He found the band aid and started wrapping it around my arm.

"Why did you do this? Are you crazy?" He asked, as he held my head up, stroking my hair.

"Why would you leave me like this?" He started pecking my lips, showing that he's thankful that I'm alive.

"I'm sorry." I said

"I'm sorry too."

"Don't ever do this okay?" He added

"Only if you're not going to drink as long as I'm with you." I said

"I promise." He said and kissed my forehead. He gently held my arm. I got closer and let him hold me tightly.


°°°

I would describe our fights as a mixture of fire and ice. Because we knew how much we were hurting each other, and ourselves.

And we've been going on like that for a while.

Until our last fight. On 2nd of September.

And we didn't talk after that.



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