• Destructive hearts •
I stared at you as you were smiling with your friends.
How can you be so happy when it's this cold outside?
Why don't we live in a parallel universe?
A different reality from this.
We got stuck here, with the worst way our story could've ended.
I walked infront of the school to my locker that was outside, on the left side of the open hallway. I opened it and took all the things that I need,n trying to avoid Simon and his friends.
"Sunnie!" One of his friends yelled as they stood just few meters away.
I looked down, trying not to face them.
"Hey! I'm talking to you." He said and got closer to me.
"Fuck you." I whispered and picked my backpack.
"Who do you think you are you fucking whore? Go drink your bottle of Xanax you depressive freak." He said and his friends laughed.
I turned around and stared at them and how cruel people can be. I tried my best to not look at Simon, who kept quiet and didn't laugh.
"Oh, look my name is Sunnie and I take anti-depressants because nobody likes me and my mum left me." His friend continued mocking me.
I stared in shock until I finally managed to speak up.
I stared at Simon and he was looking at me.
For the first time in months I noticed an emotion showing on his face and behaviour. He didn't laugh at me and just kept quiet. He didn't look quite hurt neither.
But he looked like he's a bit shook. Shooked that I'm standing here, letting these brainless inhumane boys make fun of me and humilate and judge me.
But I know that he doesn't care.
"You're not going to say anything?" I asked, looking at Simon.
He hated how I brought attention to him. He looked upset.
"Why are you talking to me?" He asked, sounding like an arrogant idiot.
His friends were looking at us both and it made my heart race fast.
"Seriously? You're still pretending?" I asked.
The words were just bursting out. And in that moment i felt the bravest I've ever been.
I've waited for this day for several months, and It's finally here. My chance to tell you that nothing's
alright and that I don't want to pretend anymore.
Every word made me hurt. He's still doing this to me. And he's not going to stop them.
How can you even say that?
I used to be everything to you.
You can't hurt me like this. It's not okay.
"Just go away, freak." He added, what made me go insane.
I wanted to vomit. I just didn't feel fine.
I would've never thought that one day you would be able to make me sick.
"I'm so disappointed in you." I barely said.
I wanted to think that you did look hurt whilst saying all these words. And part of me thinks you did look hurt. Even if you deny it.
I couldn't say anything else, so I just shook my head and walked away. I walked away straight home.
I started running and crying. I couldn't keep all this inside.
I finally got inside the house and slammed the door. I got upstairs and fell onto my bed.
I cracked up.
I started to scream and kick everything around my room, trying to get this out of me.
I couldn't. It wasn't enough.
I went to the bathroom and quickly picked up a razor. I started to cut my arm fast, just so it can stop. I took a few pills of my antidepressant.
Even this agression isn't enough to let it all out of me.
I started to pull my hair and ended up getting the scissors and staring to cut my hair.
Chunks of my hair fell down, leaving me with a short hair length, barely touching my shoulders.
My long hair is gone, because once you told me you love my long hair. Now I wanted to get ridd of it.
I can't scream any louder, nor cut any deeper. I can't escape this.
I can't fully let out this anger, disappointment and sadness.
I stood by the window, feeling pain and distress. I felt the blood drip from my arm.
It feels like I can only escape the pain by death.
And maybe I should do it.
I can't handle the pain. This life wasn't made for me.
I hate what we've become. I hate what you've become.
It's funny how months ago you were the reason I started to believe in angels.
And now we're here, being everything but angels.
YOU ARE READING
Cold Hearts || Miniminter AUFanfiction
»Our love faded away. You don't even notice me anymore. But in my eyes, you're still my whole world. I just want to survive my first winter without you. « | WARNING: Depression, Self-Harm & Alcohol use READ AT OWN RISK!! |