Pretending (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction)

Chapter 15: Him

I know I'm not allowed to do this. I know I have to avoid doing this. I know she would probably get mad at me because of this. I know she'll scream at me, or maybe add bruises and cuts on my face after this. But I couldn't care anymore. This is the only thing I need. I want it. I'm addicted to it.

She's my cure.


*FLASHBACK*

Not being in the mood to eat anything when you're starving is the worst condition you'll have in life. I want to pig out as much as I can, but I'm not in the zone to eat. This is weird.

I turned to my right and saw Kristen making her way to the line, probably getting something to eat. I wanted to stand up and grab her and tell her I'm sorry for being such a jerk a while ago, but my fucking ego is eating me up. I want to stay mad at her for the rest of my life and never talk to her anymore. I don't even get the point why I screamed at her this morning. I know I was mad, raging mad. But why? I still don't get it. I couldn't find it myself. There's a reason behind all these weird shitty feelings I have. I couldn't get mad at her just because I wanted to. I couldn't scream at her like that just because I wanted to. If I really don't have a reason, then maybe I'm crazy. She drives me crazy.

I remained staring at her and she turned to look at me. I hurriedly looked away, hoping she didn't see me. When I turned to look back again, she was already focusing on the line. I took the chance to stare again.

She looked very different today. Not in the bad way though, but very unusual. She's wearing pink, that matches the color of the tips of her hair. She has her hair tied up in a bun, that made me notice she has cute small ears with piercings. Her face is perfect. From her forehead down to her jaw to her natural pink lips. Kristen is flawless. Kristen is beautiful.

Realizing that these words are coming from me somehow confuses me. I never actually had thoughts like these about anyone before. Kristen is some kind of a person whom I thought I'd never really give a shit about, but she's basically messing up with my mind with all the things she does, even the littlest ones. I hate the way I think about her. I hate how she pops out my mind like all of the time. I hate how she makes me mad for some reason that I couldn't understand. I hate how she makes me smile when she's around. I hate how she's making me miss her when she's not around. I hate everything about Kristen. I hate how I feel about her.

Too caught up with my own thoughts, I hadn't realized I was still staring at her when she turned to look back at me. I wanted to break the eye contact, but my mind doesn't want to. I hate this, I don't like this. But at the same time I want it. I looked at her in the way like I want her to read my mind. I want her to know how much I hate her in any way for giving me shit loads of weird feelings in my chest. Keep looking at me. Just look at me.

"Hey man look you gotta see this I-"

"What the fuck Lucas."

That's how our little connection ended. Luke decided to show me something by shaking my shoulders and that just literally startled my whole world. I'm so pissed but I don't have time to show it anymore. I'll just forget what happened and will probably try to pay attention to what he's going to show me.

"Woah pipe down." Luke said, widening his eyes.

"What's that?" I replied, obviously trying to get rid of the subject. I focused on the paper he's holding.

"Oh uhm yeah, right. So I came up with some lyrics last night, and I was wondering if maybe you can help me put some tunes on it? Mine kinda sucked."

Luke gave me the paper I read the lyrics written on it. It was written with such passion.

"This is- this is great Luke, wow." I stated, still looking at the paper.

"Really?" He looked at me like a love sick puppy.

"Yeah man, I'll probably work on this tonight." I replied. I suddenly remembered I still have to work on some lyrics for our previous song. Please life don't be a bitch to me.

Luke went back to minding his own business and left me with the lyrics he gave me to work on. My eyes widened and my thoughts immediately came back to Kristen. I looked back on the line but she wasn't there anymore. She disappeared already and now I'm left with thoughts about where could she be staying by now. I hope she doesn't think about me coming to our tree because I know for a fact that she won't stay there if I come. She's probably still annoyed at me.

Hours had passed and I still couldn't get her out of my head. This morning I woke up with this heavy feeling on my chest, telling me that I hate her. And now, I couldn't hate anyone but myself. I still don't understand though. I shouldn't have acted like that this morning. I feel so damn stupid. But why did she come up with the thought of me hating on her because I didn't get a pizza for free? Am I that really a jerk for her to think of me like that?

The bell rang and I just sighed. Usually I smile whenever the classes end, but now I don't even want this day to end yet. It's like I haven't accomplished something that I have to do. I feel incomplete.

I started walking and headed to my locker alone. Ashton said they'll be waiting up for me on his car so I'm all by myself now. I placed my books back inside my locker without even organizing it. I like my things better when they're not organized. My locker could really be messy inside but at least I know where my things are.

I wanted to pass by Kristen's locker to see if she's there. I want this thing to be over now so we can go back to normal already. Saying sorry isn't really my thing but I guess sometimes we just really have to do it. Oh the things I do just to feel satisfied.

I turned to my right, and suddenly feeling like stopping from what welcomed me, but I continued walking anyway. It was Chris along with his four more friends. They are obviously all members of the football team, because their matching jackets says it all. I found myself looking up a little bit as I walk closer to Kristen's locker. I know I am tall enough but I feel so small because of these guys surrounding me.

"Waiting up for your girl, Hood?" Chris asked while grinning.

"Yeah, why?" I replied. I know I was supposed to stutter, but I tried my best not to. I'm not afraid of these guys. I have to remember I once hit Meathers like a pillow.

"She's not going to be around, I'm so sorry." Chris stated as he tried to pout. I know he's getting into my nerves already but I tried to stay calm. It worked. This time.

"Where is Kristen?" I asked immediately.

"How about we talk about this outside?" He gestured me to follow him and so I did. My body is filled with pure anger, and worry.

I swear if he put a damn finger on her he's going to end up in ashes.

We were already out but he's still not telling me where Kristen is. I decided to ask again.

"Where is my girlfriend?"

He remained walking and I remained following. He didn't say a thing. People must have notice us, even Ashton, Luke and Michael. Everyone is staring. But I don't fucking care.

"Where the fuck did you take Kristen?" I shouted and pushed him. I couldn't hold it any longer.

"Who gave you the right to act like that on me, huh?" Chris got closer as he exclaimed back on my face. It got everyone's attention and a large crowd of people started surrounding us.

"Where did you take my girlfriend?" I said, trying to stay calm. But anger keeps on taking over.

Chris looked at his friends and they all grinned then laughed hysterically. It's starting to flood my mind with thoughts but I brushed it off. It is not going to happen.

He looked back at me and grinned devilishly.

"What if I fucked your tiny girlfriend, what are you going to do?"

Everyone laughed at his statement and he looked at them, at his friends, then back at me.

Everything turned black. Images of Kristen crying for help started appearing on my head. My chest got tight and I couldn't calm myself down. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself beating the shit out of Chris again. I keep punching him hard as Kristen keeps on crossing my mind. The thought of him doing such dirty things to her makes me want to kill a person. He couldn't be serious about this. I swear I'm gonna fucking kill him if he did something to her. I swear.

I've had enough punches and Chris remained on the floor as I get up. His face wasn't that messed up but he looked so hurt and I know he deserve a lot more than that. I still want to beat the fuck out of him, but I've given too much already. I feel weak. I feel strengthless. Kristen couldn't be like what I'm thinking right now. Where the fuck is Kristen? I need her to show up.

When I was about to walk closer to Ashton, I was stopped by a tight grip so I turned around. I got welcomed by a punch in the face and to be honest it fucking hurt. My vision literally turned to black, and my face aches a lot. But I managed to remain standing. He was looking at something when I glared at him. When he looked back at me, he grinned devilishly again. I turned to where he was looking at I got surprised.

She's here.

*END OF FLASHBACK*


I am kissing Kristen. I have my bruised hands cupping her cold face. She could scream at me right now. She could push me away and leave me alone. She can add the cuts on my face if she wanted to. She can hate me for the rest of her life. But no, she didn't do anything.

She just kissed me back.

I have a terrible cut on my face. I am weak and tired. I could pass out in any moment. But it all seemed to fade away when our lips moved together. Kristen never kissed me back before. This feels so surreal but it is real. It is happening.

I slowly pulled away and took the chance to hug her. She slowly put her hands on my back and I feel my body getting weak again.

"Let's get away from here." She whispered to me.

Kristen carried me all by herself back to the field and let me sat under our tree. I rested my back and closed my eyes. I feel so weak and hurt that I couldn't even open my eyes anymore. But I tried anyway.

She sat down next to me as she get something from her bag. She pulled out a little box, probably her mini first aid kit. It made me smile.

"I never knew you were a girl scout." I uttered. She rolled her eyes and then smiled at me.

I guess we're good now.

"I skate so I have to bring some of these, idiot." She moved closer to me. "Come here."

I tried to pull away but her hands caught my face and cupped it. She started applying something and I winced, but it's not too bad. She looked so serious about doing this. I took the chance to look at her. Her eyes are gray.

"You look shitty, Cal." She chuckled and placed the a bandage on my face. "There you go."

I touched the left part of my face where I got the cut. She said it wasn't too big but it looks bad. I'm scared that it might be a scar or a mark or something. I still care about my face. Fuck you Meathers.

"You've got to stop picking fights you know." Kristen stated, looking at me.

"He came up to me first." I admitted.

"Hey I'm sorry about the kiss-"

"Ssshhh. Just shut the fuck up and take a rest." She retorted with a chuckle, and I did the same thing.

We all want everything to be well settled after something terrible happens. We would crave for revenge. Hatred would grew inside us. But with this, I couldn't ask for more. I feel like when I'm with her, anything could happen. Bad or good. But as long as she's around, I feel better. I feel okay.

I moved closer to her left side and rested my head on her shoulders.

"I feel safe now."