"What did you say for number ten?"
"Humanism stresses study of the classics and human potential, affairs, and education." I spoke monotone with my eyes darting from textbook to notes. Everyday stresses of school life were at its peak, feelings of shame, loneliness and pressure to perform were simply the icing on the cake.
Chaewon clicked her pen obnoxiously over and over to a none rhythmic beat. To say I was stressed was an understatement; anything would set me off; tears falling down my cheeks. Exam season put everyone on edge and counselors seemed to be everywhere making sure kids were surviving the brutal period.
"We just should've skipped university." my roommate muttered.
"All this for a degree..."
"God I know right."
Friday's involved no classes for us so we spent most of the daylight hours in our dorm room slaving away. It was hell depending the topics we were stuck on, but the more we got done now, the more free time we had for the weekend-
Which normally would've meant more time with my boyfriend... but he was away in China on tour with his label mates.
"You seem distracted."
"I am." I sighed before asking a question I had been wanting to blurt out for quite some time, "am I boring?" the last conversation I had with my boyfriend wasn't a pleasant one, his words lingering through my mind continuously.
"Hmm? No, why?" Chaewon always complained about not knowing enough involving my love life, and I didn't like to just talk about it.
"Before Sunghwa left we uh, got in an argument... he said I focused too much on schoolwork and never wanted to have a good time- that I was boring."
Her eyes widened, frown creasing on her forehead, "what the fuck! I'm sorry Misuk.."
"It just.. it hurts hearing him repeat those words over and over in my head. I just, feel at such a stand still because I'm not sure what I want from our relationship anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm too young for him Chae. There's ten years between us and as much as I love him and all, I just feel down about myself."
"If he thinks you're boring cause you're trying to fucking work hard for your future then... it just makes me mad." her short hair fell to her shoulders as she pulled out the messy ponytail, "also, he's always in that studio. He's such a hypocrite."
A silence grew between us. There was so much to think about. Chaewon's words did remind me of all that was wrong in my relationship. Nothing was going right, I had no say and everything seemed to be crashing down.
"You didn't even want to be in a relationship with him in the first place. He made-"
"But I still said yes."
"You didn't want to."
"You make him sound like a horrible person when he really isn't." I knew my friend meant no harm, that she only wanted the best for me. But all I really could think about was the night I really did become his.
-one year and five months ago-
"It tastes good right?"
"Of course." the dark haired man smiled lovingly towards Misuk, who always seemed to take time out of her day to spend time with him.