The Little Mockingjay

Winter

Song: Winter by Daughter

We find Finn and Annie amongst the many bodies in the huge space they call the dining hall. With plates of food, we walk to join them at one of the numerous square tables. I immediately hate the openness of the place. Nowhere to hide. I've never been much of a people-person, I'm an introvert, but I am especially conscious of the people around me in here. Everywhere I go, stares. Like I'm some kind of animal. Like I'm a walking time bomb, and they're just waiting for me to go off again. I wonder how many people saw or heard about my episode this morning. I shiver at the thought that all these people know my name. My eyes scan the room nervously.

"You'll get used to it," Mom whispers in my ear.

"I doubt it," I tell her.

"Trust me. A little more practice and you won't even notice it anymore."

She smiles, but I can see she's masking guilt.

"Honestly, Mom, stop feeling bad about this. It wasn't your fault. You saved us."

"Yeah, I know baby, thanks. I'd tell that to your dad, when you get a chance."

She signals to him with her head, walking ahead of us with Flint. I note her comment as we sit down. I place myself between my brother and Finn, although I'm not really sure how to act with him in public. He grabs my hand under the table and I feel some of the tension seep from my body. I use my free hand to spoon the tomato-based soup into my mouth, accompanied by slightly stale bread. I miss my dad's fresh baked bread from back home. I miss a lot of things from home. But, at least I have my family, if nothing else. And I have Finn and Annie. And this perfectly normal and calming conversation. I focus on the pressure of Finn's hand on my hand, his hip touching my hip, to keep my mind on the present. After lunch, he offers to show me around. I accept, grateful to be alone with him again. We easily escape the company of the others, heading off out of the dining hall. Even in the absence of my mom and dad, people still stare at Finn and I. What did we do? I can't tell what they're thinking. Do they hate us? Were we an inconvenience for them? Or do they look at us with admiration? For what? The things our parents did? We finally make it out if the dining hall, and I let out a sigh.

"You okay, Nadia?"

"Fine. I just don't appreciate being stared at."

"I heard about what happened this morning. How are you?"

"Oh, that. They're putting Flint and I into this thing called mental conditioning. It's supposed to help."

"Help with what?"

"I guess with everything they did to us in 2. They thought Flint got my dad's hijacked genes, not me, so they tortured us backwards. They meant to kill us."

"I'm sorry."

We're silent for a minute.

"Hey, how bout we do something fun?" Finn suggests.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask, a smile playing at my lips.

"Follow me."

And he takes off down the hallway.

I chase after Finn down the mysterious, winding paths until he bursts through a door. I'm blinded by light as I cross the threshold, letting the door swing closed behind me. I squint my eyes, but they fly open as cold air pricks at my skin. Fresh air. We're outside. I smile as the biting breeze lifts my hair, making it dance around my face. I inhale the fresh smell of pine coming from the trees around me. I'm drawn to them like bees to honey. I long for my home yet again.

"How'd you open the door?" I asked excitedly.

He shrugs.

"My mom taught me how to pick a lock with a fishhook. Says she had a friend who was really good at making them. I've been working on that one all week."