Getting into the car was not that hard. Getting onto the plane was harder. The hardest of all was getting into the car with Bart who would take me back to the hotel where all the other guys already are.
Let me explain this. Our last magcon event took place a few months ago. We didn't exactly separate on good terms. I hadn't been feeling myself for a little while and now I know why. It was depression. That's also one of the reasons I'm completely terrified to face the guys.
Right now I've been depressed for a long time. The only one who knows is my sister. Aaliyah. She didn't want me to go away for magcon. She never left me alone and made sure to look after me. Checked my arms for self-inflicted wounds and made sure I ate enough.
She is really caring and I love that about her. I would never want to lose or replace her.
"Are you excited?" Bart asks me to start up a conversation. I muster up a smile, which is obviously fake. "Yeah, of course. Can't wait to see the guys." I answer. "Good, good." He says and everything fell silent again. It's even more awkward without the radio on.
When we got to the hotel, I got out and retrieved my luggage from the trunk. Bart guided me into the hotel and walked past the desk. I had to follow him up and we entered a room.
"You'll be sharing with Aaron." Bart explains me the rules like he does every time when we have an event.
I'm happy Aaron is not in the room. He had been in, that's certain, because he already claimed a bed by dropping his suitcase and backpack on it.
Sitting down on my bed, I take out one of the many magcon hoodies I have and replace the one I was wearing. I keep that one for the travelling.
The door opened just as I finish putting the hoody on. "Oh, you're here." Aaron says and gets to his bed. He takes out his phone with his back facing me. I just stare at him, not really knowing what to say.
"The guys and I are all gathered in Nash and Cameron's room, if you were interested." He tells me and leaves the room.
That was awkward. There is a note at the end of his bed. I stand up and take a look at it.
'Their room is just two doors down from ours. You can hear them if you are not sure which room it is.' I smile a genuine smile.
Knowing I have to face the boys anyways, I decide to go. I take my phone and clutch it in my hands. I exit our room and like the note said; it's pretty noisy. I knock on the door.
The room quiets down and Cameron is the one to open the door. He doesn't really look happy to see me. "Come in." I follow him in.
Everyone is there. Cameron, Nash, the Jacks, Matt, Aaron, Taylor, Hayes and Carter. I am lucky I'm not in an instant panic attack, though I've never really had one of those before. You never know when your first time will be.
They are all staring at me and their eyes follow me as I take a seat on one of the beds.
"So..." It's really not like how it used to be. "How are you?" Taylor adds to his so.
"I'm great." I try my very best at lying to the guys, though I'm pretty sure they can see right through it.
"Really? Why haven't you been answering us and been on social media?" Nash asks me. I knew this was going to happen. They hate me and they don't want me here. I should have never came back to magcon.
"I was busy." Okay, that sounded really wrong. And I guess they all think that, because no one knows what to say anymore.
"I'm gonna go back." I point behind me towards the door. I get up and walk out of there as fast I can without making it look like I'm running away.
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What's Wrong? | S.M. & MagconFanfiction
I'm not the guy I was. I've changed so much. I shut the boys out. I hurt them, by being hurt. They all know it. Can they forgive me for what I did? Will the guys help me be me again? *Trigger Warning* (This story contains the old Magcon, including H...