without you

chapter one

I sigh, taking in the captivating beauty of the sunset resting over the beach. The colors blend together so beautifully they remind me of her. The beautiful lines that outline her body. The way her chocolate brown eyes stare into mine and see passed all my flaws. The way her chin comes down draws attention to the beautiful lines of her neck.

This isn't right. I shouldn't spend so much time thinking about someone who doesn't think about me. She doesn't love me. She said so herself. We can't be together. She's with him. She loves him. I'll never be him.

I take one last glance at the ocean and then i head to my car. Everything i do with out her hurts. It's been like that ever since i met her. I was 14 and she was 13. I never really thought someone younger than me could control my heart like this. She is my everything and i am her nothing. and that hurts more than anyone will ever know.

***

I woke up with a strange feeling. A feeling of happiness. A feeling that i thought i'd never feel again with out her. I sit up and see her. Laying beside me. My heart starts to ache and i can't stop smiling. There she is. Shirtless. Laying in my bed. I just want to stop time and stare at her forever.

"good morning beautiful " Camila says and rolls over to look at me.

"good morning gorgeous." i smile. this is what it's supposed to be like. me and her waking up beside each other every morning.

"I smell bacon." Camila laughs. She closes her eyes and takes my hand. "Thank you for last night" She says in a soft voice. I feel so happy until the moment where i realize i don't remember what happened last night. I didn't even notice until right now that we are at her sorority. That's why we smell bacon. Suddenly most of my happiness disappears. I probably had the night of my dreams and i can't even remember it.

"we should probably get downstairs before people start to wonder what's going on up here." I say and fake a laugh.

"Who cares if they figure it out." Camila says and runs her hand up and down my thigh. Her hand gets higher and higher with each rub. A knock at the door startles us both.

"MILA! Are you awake??"

"Yeah Dinah i'll be down in a minute!"

"Okay, Shawn is here for you."

"shit" Camila muttered and began to get out of bed. She didn't mind me staring at net naked body as she got dressed. She slips on her clothes so effortlessly it amazes me. I could watch her do this all day. I move to the end of the bed to slide on some clothes.

"here, put this on." Camila hands me a flannel and some leggings. She smiles at my confused look. "You can't really wear what you were wearing last night." She giggles. I'm still so confused. What was i wearing last night?? Was it bad? Sexy? Hideous? "You don't remember?" I shake my head no and Camila comes closer. She sits sideways on my lap and wraps her hands around my neck. "I guess i'll have to tell you everything tonight." She kisses me. Her lips are warm and soft. Just like i remember. She pulls back but my lips chase hers. She moves her hands down to my sides and softly pushes me away.

"As much as i would love to continue this, i can't right now." She smiles. "Get dressed" Camila pushes her body off of mine and props herself up on the bed. She watches me as i get dressed. i try not to think about the way her sparkly brown eyes are glued to my body, or her sweet pink tongue as it swipes over her lips to replace the loss moisture, or her pearly white teeth as they pull in her bottom lip and apply pressure.

I snap myself out of my thoughts and i walk over to Camila. She gets off of the bed and wraps her hands around my waist. "I want you" she breaths into my chest.

"CAMILA!" Dinah knocks on the door again! "Your boyfriend is getting impatient."

"Okay i'm coming" Camila says very annoyingly. She reaches up on her tip toes and kisses me again.

"I have to go break up with him. But i'll pick you up at 8 and fill you in on what happened last night. okay?" She gives me a trail of kisses down my neck.

"Okay." i say and kiss her back.

Camila and I walk out of her room holding hands. This is my happiness. Waking up with her everyday. Smelling bacon. Walking down stairs. This is what i want. But i feel like  it's all too good to be true.

When we reach the bottom step Camila let's go of my hand. My heart breaks a little but i know it's because of Shawn. She has to end things with him first.

"Hey Lauren." Shawn says giving me a fake smile.

"Hey Shawn." I smile back.

I start to walk out of the front door and Camila follows me.

"I'll see you tonight." She says soft so no one can hear her.

"Okay." I say, almost afraid that it's going to happen again. I turn around to hug her goodbye and I see Shawn staring me down. Camila leans in and hugs me. Shawn and I are now in a staring contest. I close my eyes showing my defeat. My giving up.

"It's different this time Lo, i promise." Camila whispers so low that i can barley hear her. "it's gonna be different."