Background Character

9/24/16

6:09 pm

Everybody wants to be special.

There is always going to be moments when you're left to sift through your thoughts and you think about what life would be like to be a famous actor, going to conventions, getting fawned over, having fans. Or maybe a popular youtuber? Being an amazing singer, being a hilarious comedian, graceful dancer? Everybody wants to be special and to be remembered as somebody great, and somebody who made a difference. But every single day people live and die, never even being noticed, their name never being remembered. Hell, I don't know the names of any one in the generations past my great-great-grandmother.

Chances are that I am going to live for 70-80 more years if I'm lucky and then I'm going to keel over and turn into dust that nobody will ever remember. I want to make a difference. I have to make a difference in my life. I'll sing my heart out, draw until my hands fall off, anything that I can do so I can get my name out there. I want to get recognized and start doing some good. If more people now me then i can start asking for help, start an organization or something to donate to charities. 

So many people out there have it so much worse than anything I've ever been through and I just want them to be happy, I want them to know that people care and want to help out. I'm practically a fetus right now and with how shy I am there probably isn't much that I'll be able to do right now.

There's so much hate out there. If you're gay or transgender or muslim or a variety of other things then there's hate and it's dumb! Literally everybody is the same, we're all humans and we're all capable of doing amazing, good things and we're all capable of doing terribly bad things. Why should it matter who somebody likes, or what's in their pants, or their race? Why would you want to go out of your way to make sure people know your unwanted, hate-filled opinion? Because nobody gives a shit if you think transgender people are going to hell. Nobody gives a shit if you don't like other races. Nobody asked for your opinion. Why do people even say rude shit in general? Does it make you feel better to make someone feel bad? Are your ego and sense of self worth so small that you practically get off on being a weiner hole?

I don't get it.

I change topics often lmao kms.

11:39 pm

I just want one night where I don't procrastinate going to sleep. Where I'm not terrified to turn off the lights and lay down in bed, letting my mind run circles around me and letting everything around me become too real for me to handle. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think at all.

And most of all I don't want to lie in bed and think about what's eating my insides.