Chapter 4

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I paced the floor, back and forth, forth and back. I asked myself "Janelle, what do you really have to live for"? And I give myself the same response 'nothing'. So why be here? No one wants me, no will ever want me, so let's save them the trouble. This isn't the first I've thought of killing myself, but this time, I'm serious.


I clenched the small shot gun tightly in my hand, I held it pressed against my temple. I went searching and rambling through Christine's stuff and found it. I needed it to be quick and easy. I wanted to die fast.

Tears beamed from the corners of my small brown eyes. Was I doing the right thing? Maybe I do have at least one thing to live for. Who was I kidding ? I don't have not a damn thing to live for. I moved my first finger down and placed it on the trigger. I took a deep breathe, and slowly counted. 1..............2................. "Janelle, baby, stop it honey"

I heard a soft sweet voice echo through my tiny room. I opened my eyes slowly to see a woman with a warm glow around her figure. She was mid sized, chocolate brown skin, tinkly eyes that was filled with concern and medium length hair.

"Who are you"? I asked beginning to become frightened. "I'm Patrice, your mother". She said with a smile. I cried, cried until tears couldn't flow any longer. She sat next to me on my bed and held my hand.

"Why'd you let me go, huh? Why'd you have to leave me"? I asked. That's all I wanted to know. "I never left you baby, I've always been here, in your heart, I've been watching over you. You've never left my sight, I've watched you grow into a beautiful girl. I wish I could save you from this, but I'm afraid God won't let me".

"Then why'd you let me come here? Why so many people mean to me? Why am I fat? Why don't nobody love me"? I questioned.

She showed her warm smile. "Baby, people do love you, yiu just don't know it yet, why do you think Lashay came to you? I sent her for you, don't end your life, we'll meet again and be happy on Gods timing, I love you honey, and don't give up! I'm with you, and God is with you".

Her figure slowly faded away. I finally saw my mother, and she was right. I looked down at the gun in my hand and put it back where I found it. I decided to go to sleep and get ready for tomorrow. I just had one question, how did she pass?


I rolled out of bed sleepily and glanced over and smiled at my sleeping baby. I kissed his forehead gently and began to get dressed. Thankfully it was Friday, because I don't think I have enough energy for the week. I'm beat.

I showered and got put on something simple, like jeans and a big T, brushed my hair back into a middle ponytail and did my makeup. I kissed my sleeping Jaydin and walked out.

I saw Janelle walking and decided to stop. "Get in". She looked over at me and smiled. She hopped in and put on her seatbelt. "Good-morning". She spoke joyfully. I smiled big at her, "good morning". I turned on the radio, and I'm guessing Janelles song was playing because she joined in quickly. She actually could sing really well.

"You can really sing". I said turning the radio down low. She blushed. "Thank you". She said. "So, tell me about yourself Miss. Janelle". I said playfully. She chuckled a little. "There's not much to know, I'm 17 still in the 10th grade. I'm fat, I'm not liked by many people, I live with my hurtful foster mother name Christine, all she does is tell me to go down to the 7/11 and play her numbers for her, and sit on the couch all day. Oh yeah, I like to sing, it make me forget about my problems". She said.

"Janelle, your not fat, if you keep calling yourself that the. That's what you'll become, yiu are what you say you are. I can help you with that if you want. I can tell you what I did". I suggested. She played with her fingernails.

"Then what you call this"? She said gesturing towards her body. "I call it, ummm lost hope. You eat to run away form your problems. You say you enjoy singing right"? "Yeah". "Well how bout, when your sad or depressed about something, instead of eating, sing about his you feel, you can even write it and them sing it". I said.

She smiled. "You know, your right. I'm glad I met you, your the only knew his ever treated slime I'm somebody. I hope we can stay friends". She said.

I smiled. I'm happy she sees that I'm here for her, and that I was here to be a friend. That's all she really needed. By the end of the semester, Janelle will be my size.

Ok well this is chapter 4, I'm balky with this one! Are you? Vote & comment


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