Curious about the notebooks on his desk, I picked one up. It had been the one that Caspar had read out loud. The one Troye seemed very protective of. I knew I shouldn't be snooping around. Especially since this was the first time I was in his home. But I couldn't help it. The blue eyed Australian sparked something in me I hadn't felt before. It made me want know what he wrote in these notebooks. Songs? Diary entries? Poems? I was intruged. I picked up that certain peach orange notebook and started reading somewhere near the end. In the crowd alone // And every second passing reminds me I'm not whole // Bright lights and city skies are ringing like a drone // Unknown, Unknown

It sounded like a song to me, but before I could read on the door was being pushed open and in it a wild Troye Sivan Mellet appeared; cookies and lemonade on a tray. I tried to hide the fact that I had looked into his notebook by slowly putting it back on his desk, but he immediatley seemed to notice. His eyes grew wide with shock and I was certain that he would've dropped the glasses of lemonade if they weren't on a tray.

"W-what are you doing?" His voice was shaky, and the big grin that had been on his face was gone. He put the tray down on a small open space on his desk and quickly grabbed the notebook I had been reading in.

"I-I'm sorry! I was just looking! Honestly!" I didn't know what to say. I couldn't lie straight to his face; he'd seen me put it down. But I like also didn't know what to say. Because admitting to snooping around sounded really rude. And it was, but I didn't want to ruin whatever growing friendship there was already.

"Just- I don't know- just don't do that anymore. Please." He seemed really distressed about it. I couldn't help but wonder why. I wanted to calm him down. Pull him into a hug. He was basically freaking out by now, his long fingers grabbing endlessly at his hair in frustration.

"Connor? What exactly did you read?" He asked, almost hopelessly.

"Err, the last entry I think. It had something like 'every second passing' in it." He went pale. Really pale. Like, even paler than he already was.

"Goddamnit, Connor. Don't go fucking snooping around! Some things are personal!" He seemed to explode at that moment. It was probably really personal. I felt my cheeks go red, my hands clammy and I just wanted to disappear at that moment. I felt myself grow more into my shell. Troye looked really really angry and I didn't want to cross him any further.

"I-I'm sorry Con. I shouldn't have shouted. It's just- Argh!" He still had his hands in his hair, but was clearly trying to relax. "It's just that nobody's supposed to know anything that's written in there! Those are mine."

"I'm really sorry Troye... I didn't know. I was genuinely just interested in what you wrote in there, but I admit that snooping may not have been the best way to figure that out. Now, mind explaining whatever you were gonna explain?" I didn't mean to, really, but I couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the sight of a frustrated Troye Sivan Mellet.

"Yeah. Yeah we can do that. But first, could you help me film a video? I'll do the editing later on, but I've put off the filming for a couple days and I really need to film it. Please?"

I hesitated. I mean, I really wanted to know what this all was about before even considering helping him. But then again, why wouldn't I?


An hour, lots of laughter and a couple glasses of lemonade later, we had finished filming the video.

"So... time to tell me what you haven't told anyone?" I cautiously began asking him. We were sitting on his bed and I was staring up his ceiling with my hands tucked beneath my head. I felt comfortable here, next to this boy I knew practically nothing about.

Troye had his laptop out and immediately went to YouTube when I asked my question.

"So, I reckon you saw my channel, right?" I nodded. Though I hadn't watched any video's, I had seen his subscribers count; after which I immediately had texted him.

"Well, when I was like, twelve, I started my YouTube channel because well, I had performed a song and apparently someone had filmed it and uploaded it to this site and it got over a hundred views. So I decided to, why not, start my own channel. And for a couple years I just uploaded videos of me singing covers, but then I started making vlogs, came out to my viewers, made a song inspired by a book, made a music video, hit 1 million subscribers and it is kind of my life by now. The song with the music video is the one I performed in Music class, so that's why I wanted you to film it."

He droned on about what YouTube meant for him and if I could please not tell anyone, but the only thing that repeated itself over and over in my head was 'came out to my viewers'. Troye was gay. And I know that might not sound like a big deal to anyone, but to me it kinda did. I wondered why he didn't tell anyone in school when he had a coming out video on the internet, with, from what I had gathered, had loads and loads of views. Troye was gay. And he was open and casual about it, whereas I hadn't even dared to tell anyone yet.

"Connah?" Troye was waving his hand in front of me. I blinked rapidly. I hadn't noticed that I had been zoning out.

"Connah? Do you want to stay for dinner?" He proposed. I turned the idea over in my head, texted my parents if it was okay that I was staying over for dinner at a friends, and answered him that yes, I'd like to stay for dinner.

Heyy, so I know this may not be the best chapter I've ever written, but I had a lot of struggles with wattpad yesterday (it wouldn't save and said this was published although it wasn't and such) and I'm happy enough that I managed to finish this one. I am currently writing the authors note while in the car on my way to the National Relay Championships, where I'll be spending today. I'll also be going to Rome next week and next Sunday I have another competition, so I have no idea when and how much I'll be able to write/upload :c This is quite a long chapter though, so I hope you enjoyed. I also decided to switch POV's during this chapter because I wanted to display Troye's thoughts, but had more inspiration for Connor/thought it would turn out better this way. Please tell me what you think of that! Any form of support makes me really really happy! ILY guys!

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