I could feel my heart pumping. "I don't want to talk about it Hiro"
"So what happened?" He obviously ignored what I just said.
"What happened between you and Miki's death, you do not have a fault. But the death of Hanna was all because of me"
"You must have been a heck of a dude when you were younger"
I frowned. It had been so long since I spoke her name. Or even thought of her.
"She isn't my lover. We were young. But she was somebody I was with always. I don't know what happened. It was too fast. But I knew it was my fault!"
I pulled my hair, buried my face in between my knees and crushed the ground. I can't look at her if ever I saw her. I can't even look at her depressed mom. Memories flashed back at me. It was just after winter break. We were twelve. I was Mr. Adventurer and she was Ms. Bookworm. Hanna is the fragile type. She was diagnosed with heart diseases that could take her life anytime. I was worried. Her family was worried. They asked me to watch over her always and be her guide.
I did. I was. But not that day. I was the one who killed her. It was a weekend. The rain was pouring hard. It seems like it was past four but actually it was only two in the afternoon. I visited her house. Her mom, who was her only family, went grocery shopping. It was natural for me to come over every weekend. That time, she was fragile as a feather. She was thin, pale and sick. But she beamed at me like nothing was a trouble. She beamed at me as if she has forever to live.
She asked me to accompany her for a walk. I refused. It was raining and her mom told me not to let her out of the house. We had arguments. She got angry at me. She got really angry. I told her to go if she wanted and that I wouldn't care at all. I went to watch television. I was raging in fury. She was stubborn. She never follows what I say. She sees me as her chance to be free. All the rest of the adults just hold her back to the things she wants. I can give a few exceptions.
Half an hour passed. I called her. She didn't respond. I looked for her around the house. She wasn't there. I began to panic. I saw my umbrella gone. She must have gone to the streets. I ran block after block, calling her name. I was drenched in the rain. I do not know where to find her. I just took off wherever my feet would take me.
I was tired. I was shaking. Her mom would be home any minute and she wouldn't find both of us at home. I was frustrated. I shouldn't have lost my temper. Then I saw a crowd of people in umbrellas and raincoats surrounding someone in the corner of the street.
I was praying I wouldn't see her face in that person lying. But I saw my umbrella torn at the side. My heart was thumping. I walked towards them.
Her hair was drenched in rain and blood. She was pale and her lips were blue. Paramedics rush and took her. Everything went slow motion. I yelled her name. No one would let me near her. They just pushed me out. What happened? I don't know. People say she was fainting and a high speed vehicle had hit her and drive off. I don't know! All I know is, it was my fault.
I didn't face her mother at her funeral. I didn't even dare to peep in her coffin. I can't accept the fact that the girl, my best friend, who was always there for me, spent her last day angry at me and died tragically without me by her side. Her mom gave me a hug just before I left. She wasn't angry. She told me it isn't my fault. She told me it isn't the first time that Hanna runs off. She even told me that finally, her daughter has her rest.
My eyes were burning from the memory. I felt Hiro pat my shoulders.
"Things happen. People die. And the people who are left in the world, sometimes suffers more." He stood up wobbling in his feet. "I'm looking forward for the day I'll see Miki again!"
