Look Closer

By the time we made it to the hotel the sun had set and the breeze was chilly. We walked into The Seasons Inn hotel and Nathan led the way to room 162. Nathan knocked loudly and I could here rustling before the door flung open and reveiled a very worried looking Mitch.

His eyes met mine and he engulfed me into a hug.

"Can't. Breath." I gasp.

"Don't you ever! Ever! Run off like that again! I was so worried!" Mitch looked at me with anger and sorrow.

"Sorry." I looked down at me feet unable to look my brother in the eyes knowing that I had worried him so much.

"C'mon get inside." Mitch said as he stepped aside. I stepped in followed by Nathan.

I looked around and spotted four suitcases Three of them were mine.

I looked at Mitch then back to the suitcases.

"Listen. I'm going to get a house here for us to live in. But I wont be here most of the time because of school. And considerig you're 16 I can trust you to be responsible while im gone. Nathan will be taking you to school since he has a permit and a car." Mitch explained as he sat down. "Until I find a house we will stay here." He finished.

I felt relief was over me knowig I didn't have to go back to that dang house even though I will miss my dad terribly.

The thought of not seeing my dad every morning when him and mom wernt fighting hurt. But the memories of the constant fighting filled my head. I closed my eyes tight and counted to three silently.

I opened my eyes and saw Nathan and Mitch staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I asked you if you were okay with all of this." Mitch smirked.

"Oh. yeah. Yeah." I shook my head.

"Okay good." Mitch walked over to me gave me a hug then kissed my head.

"Go ahead and start getting settled." He said softly.

"Oaky." I smiled. Mitch and Nathan satrted to softly talk as they exited the room.

I took this as an oppertunity to check out the room.

There was a kitchen with a island separating it from the rest. There was two beds, two night stands, a dressor, a T.V stand that held a 42 inch flat screen T.V.

In the bathroom was a jakoozi, a stand up shower, and a sink with a good amount of counter space.

There was a walk in closet that was small but big enough to change in.

I slowly walked to my suitcase and unzipped it.

I looked through my clothes and seen that Mitch only grabbed the suitcases that had been stored in the back of the closet containing my old clothes and shoes. My 'preppy' clothes and shoes.

I groaned to myself.

Oh well I guess its time to change anyways Ash.

I started to pull out clothes, but it didn't feel right. So I put them back in.

But what if Mitch feels like I don't want to be here with him cuz my clothes are still packed.

I started to pull out my clothes again.

But this doesn't feel like home yet.

I put them back in. I was having an internal battle and it was pissing me off.

How about I hang up the clothes im going to wear for the week with the shoes in the closet as well.

I came to an agreement with myself and started hanging up clothes.

But by the time I was finished I had realized that I had just unpacked everything.

Where is Mitch and Nathan?

I shrugged and plopped onto the bed that had my pillow and blanket that mitch had bought for me about three years ago.

"Alright man see you tomorrow." Mitch's manly voice ran through the room.

Mitch sat down on the opposite bed and looked at me intently.

His eyes kept falling down to my wrists.

"Show me your scars." Mitch softly spoke.

"But...Why?" I asked quizzically.

"I want to see how many times you needed me but I wasn't there." He whispered. A tear rolling down his cheek.

I slowly got to my feet and shuffled over to my big teddy bear. I wrapped my arms around him embracing him in a hug.

"Everyone says to destroy what destroys you, right?" Mitch looked me in the eyes skepticaly.

"Yeah." He nodded unsure of where I was leading my words.

"Well, what if what's destroying you, is you?" I whispered.

"Remind yourself everyday that it's okay to be different." Mitch kissed my cheek and I lightly smiled. "How about some video games." Mitch asked as he stood up.

I knew he wasn't ready to forgive himself for the scars on my wrist no matter how long and how often I tell him it wasn't his fault. I knew that every smile was forced. I knew that what be really wanted to do was to curl up into a ball with my wrapped in his arms and protect me from all the evil in my head. I knew at that moment I was the cause of not only my mom and dads depression but also of my brothers.

I guess it is time for a change. Even if it kills me. I can't stand seeing that look on his face.

Mitch handed me the PS3 remote and we started to play Call Of Duty, having fun killing zombies.

Maybe one day we can do this and I wont have these voices nagging at me in the back of my

head.

you will never be happy

you are a failure

look at you. You disgust everyone

Your brother is giving up his life because of you

I just want to push them away and feel the way I did at the semitary.

Maybe that's what it takes. Maybe that's the feeling of being 6 feet under with nothig to worry about.

A/N

okay so.. I know the story is really down and sappy. BUT I am trying to think of ways to being the mood up but it still fit the story.

if you have any ideas you can

hmu on

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-Lexsie

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