His dirty little secret

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Waking up in the morning the bed was empty; Christian was gone. From the coldness of his side of the bed, he had been gone for a while. I look for a note of any indication of where he went, as the flat was too quiet. There was no note – no surprise. I get up reluctantly and go down stairs to see if he was still here. After a short search of the flat, my prediction was true; he was gone. I worry a little. What if he had left? And was never coming back? Could I handle that? I dismiss the thoughts, he wouldn’t leave me; I try to drive out my paranoia but it only makes it worse.

After searching for a note of some kind, I give up and try ringing him. Why would he go, and not bother telling me where he was going? I try to push out more unwelcome thoughts and then I hear the ringing of his phone. I follow the sound to the kitchen counter and pick it up, ending the call. Fuck! I flip it open about to get rid of the missed call sign, when I see a text. Who was texting him? The only person who had his number was me? I open it; I shouldn’t have, but well for some reason I had a bad feeling about it. 

-“Meet me at 6am, need to talk urgently; can’t wait to see you xx.” – The Id of the contact was called Steve. Why would Steve be desperate to see Christian? And why was Steve sending kisses? Was Christian turning? The ringing of girl’s laughter gloats around me, a horrible sick feeling enters the pit of my stomach. I press the green button on the phone, putting the phone to my ear, I was remote I couldn’t come to terms with what was going on. “Hello?” Said the person on the other end of the phone, I shut it close and tears instantly fall. Since when was girls called Steve? It was her I’m sure of it. Why would he try covering up the name with a boy’s name? He would only do it if he was hiding something the foreign voice said.

My legs buckle underneath me and I crumple to the cold, white stoned kitchen floor. I hold the phone tightly in my grip, as trying to squeeze away the pain; but it didn’t work. Christian was meeting up with girls and bringing them back here. I thought he loved me! My mind whined, he lied said the foreign voice – he doesn’t deserve you. I begin to think off all the bad things Christian has ever done to me, it wasn’t a lot but I can remember our first argument when we were both captured in Luke’s little game. Christian said he didn’t care what I did once we escaped. Maybe he still doesn’t. I lean my head on my knees why tears fall, thinking how and why he did this to me. 

A phone buzzing distracts me from my train of thoughts, I look up at Christian’s phone expecting it to be his, but it wasn’t. Pulling myself up from the floor, I search for the buzzing. When I find my phone I open it and put it to my ear.

“Hello?” My weak shattered voice says through the receiver.

“Sasha? Are you okay?” The sweet voice says, worried. I break down in tears, I wasn’t okay, I don’t think I ever will be.

“Hold on Sasha, I will be there in a minute.” He hangs up and I fall to the floor again, tears falling more heavily now; as the real weight of it all hit me. I hear the door open and slam, footsteps running towards me. I look up at his lovely face; his eyes, his hair, his lips. His hands cupping my face as he wipes away tears, he begins to drag me towards him, I rest my head on his shoulder and cry as he holds me tightly. The sweet, strong smell of lemon on him, but the smell of dog lingering. I pull away from his shoulder and look up to his eyes; those blue/green eyes burning bright as my eyes lock with his. My hands go up towards his cheeks, and the sudden urge to feel his lips on mine; to take the pain away. Do it – the foreign voice shouts out to me. I can feel myself coming closer and closer to him, his eyes closing as my lips touch his. Pictures of Christian flash across my mind, I pull away quickly. Christian maybe cheating but I wasn’t going to do the same thing. I stare at Lou, his eyes burning like a blaze, his face becoming rigid what looks like out of frustration.

“I’m sorry.” I say to him, his face goes soft and sincere.

“There’s no need to be sorry Sasha, I shouldn’t have let you do that when you’re so vulnerable.” He says his hand twining in mine. I let him hold me, as I think about how I liked Lou’s company and how I had kissed him. Lou was like a stranger to me, but for some reason deep down it felt like I had known him for my whole life. A sudden thought hits me and I back away from Lou.

“How did you know where I live?” I say my voice scarred and worried. He looks at me, his eyes hurt.

“Sasha, do you really think I’m going to hurt you?” He says, before reaching out to me again, I move away.

“You didn’t answer the question.” 

“Sasha, I followed your scent.” He says disgusted at the way I was behaving, before getting up and walking towards the door. “Once you stop being so paranoid and stupid, call me.” He says harshly, before walking towards the front door. I hear the slam, knowing he was gone. You hurt his feelings the foreign voice says – it was right, I shouldn’t have accused him or pushed him away. It seemed like I was doing that often; pushing people away that is. I just sit there, no tears falling as there all drained out of my system. I stare at Christian’s phone discarded on the floor; I pick it up and throw it at the wall. It shatters to pieces in front of me. I need to leave I think to myself, before getting up and walking up stairs. No you don’t – the foreign voice says to me. I do, I think to myself. No you don’t! Trick Christian find out what he’s doing and make his life hell, like he did to yours! Get revenge! The foreign voice shouts – I think to myself, revenge sounded sweet, but what would I do. Kill him! It shouts again, I jump from the loudness and the harsh words, I wouldn’t and couldn’t kill Christian, and I love Christian no matter what he did. Do i- cutting of the foreign voice with my own thoughts, I knew what I was going to do Christian. I needed to find out why he wanted me and has kept me around all this time. He was hiding something from me – something bad. 

(Okay, so this chapter is quiet short, so if you want anything added to it, or have any ideas, message me, as I found this chapter really hard to write and that's why it's taken so long to be posted. So leave any ideas you might have when you comment. Thanks.)

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