I can't stand Bellamy being mad at me. The rest of the day goes on, him in his tent, me trying to run the camp on my own.
I know I shouldn't have gone behind his back. But I did what I thought was right, even though I knew that he wouldn't think it was. I trust him, I don't trust the side of him that wanted to torture an innocent Grounder.
But that's all a part of who he is. I have to accept it. He can't change himself, but with time, he can put away that side of him. But by doing this, I probably brought it out further.
I want to go into his tent and talk to him. I want his arms around me again, my head nestled in his neck. It was so nice before.
Octavia comes up to me after he disappeared.
"Thank you," she says. "I'm sorry, it just slipped out. You didn't have to confess."
"I would have felt even worse if I didn't," I say. "I hope he doesn't stay mad for long."
"He hugged me the minute I came back to camp," Octavia tells me. "He won't be mad at you for that long."
"You're his sister," I say, shaking my head.
"And you're Clarke," she says, looking up at me.
I don't really know what she means by that.
It's nighttime when I'm finally ready to talk to Clarke again. I've cooled down, somewhat, and I just need to hear her voice.
I emerge from my tent. Most of the camp is asleep, it seems like. I go to Clarke's tent, but she isn't there, so I go to the guard and ask them if they had seen her.
"She said she went for a walk by the river," one of them says.
"Thank you," I tell him, heading out of the gate.
It's harder to navigate in the dark, but I know my way to the river. When it comes into sight, so does Clarke. She's sitting on a rock on the edge of the water. I don't want to disturb her, but I came all this way to talk to her.
"Clarke?" I ask, walking up behind her.
She spins around. "Who- Bellamy..."
"Yeah, it's me," I say, climbing up to sit on the rock next to her.
She looks out onto the water. "It's pretty, isn't it?"
I can't take my eyes off of her. In the moonlight, by the water, she looks so beautiful. "Yeah," I agree, barely paying attention.
We sit there in silence for a minute before I remember I'm here to apologize.
"I shouldn't have gotten so angry at you," I say quietly.
"I shouldn't have gone behind your back," she replies. "We need to trust each other. That's the only way this is going to work."
"I trust you," I say, meeting her eyes.
"I trust you," she repeats, facing the water again, and resting her head on my shoulder. "I don't know how much longer I can do this," she whispers.
"Be everyone's leader. Be responsible for everyone. Have everyone depend on me."
I nod. "I know, Clarke," I say. "But you're the best leader I've ever seen."
She lifts her head to look at me. "Really?"
"Well, I haven't had the best examples," I say, smiling. "But yeah, you are. You're smart, fair and kind. You inspire people, you help them. You give them hope."
She tries to hide her smile. "I couldn't do it without you," she says.
"You don't have to," I tell her. "But from now on, we're in this together. We make the decisions together, we lead together."
"Okay," she says, nodding. "Together."