Entry #1

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November 12th, 2013

It's been years since Momma died, I haven't been able to bring myself to do much since then but I had to keep fighting...just for her spirit. My little sister never really talks that much, even though she was young when Momma died, she never really was the same. The older she got, the more freedom Daddy gave her, she just stopped coming.

Daddy didn't stay in his old room with Momma, the sheets stayed covered and the pictures turned to dust. Daddy's face structure narrowed and arched in, as if he was always frowning. The one man I saw to be God's man went numb and Momma's ghost lingered everywhere he walked.

It was at a time where I felt so torn on how I should react. I now had to be the strong one...for everyone.

I was now a Junior in high school, and today was the day I saw you for the first time Dear Kindred. No one really talked to me, no one wanted to. They thought I was just some depressed girl in the class. But this was different then all the times. 

The air was turning cold, which game an excuse to wear sweatshirts more often, now I could hide the scars, which made it so much easier to come up with an excuse. I was in geometry for the third time, knowing how much of an idiot I was, I was repeating the class for the 3rd time. 

My head was down as usual, staring into the distance as I watched the clock tick. My mind was racing as I reminded myself  "Izzy you have to try, if you don't, you'll be a nobody."

But I already was a nobody. I sat up and moved my hair from my face as I picked up the pencil slowly. Glancing at my old friends who didn't seem to notice me. That's when I saw You.

You were wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt, your eyes were brown and masked with mystery. The stance you were in intimidated me and it was clear you were beautiful. I saw your beauty. I looked to the side and saw my friends next to me glancing at you, all staring in awe. "Mr. Hanes, you may sit whereever you please." The teacher told him, you took that seat next to me that day, I will never know why.

I tried to act like I didn't notice you, but your cologne was strong and I felt your gaze on me. I looked up to see you were talking but I was in awe so much that it was as if I were deaf. "Huh?"

So our first words weren't as romantic as I had hoped but still nonetheless. "Can we share a book? I haven't been assigned one yet." You say, and your voice was as sweet as a soft melody. Entrancing me at once. 

I slowly pushed my book towards you and you glanced at the numbers, you looked as if you already knew the answers at once. 

I watched you the entire day that day, watching how you worked, how you moved.

I didn't know that meeting you was the start of something. Extrodinare. 


These chapters will be short, but this will be probably my most emotional book yet. I'm tapping into depression, unforgiveness, self hate. Everything you can name....this book won't be like others...it's on a deeper level...those may understand, so may think it's poorly written, but it's all in the muse.

Remember these are diary entries, so they'll be short but I'll upload multiple at a time.

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