"Quit dicking with the settings!! Let's just try it already, Billy!" cried Jake.
"Don't rush me, dude. One more change to the displacement matrix," replied Billy, "Ok, ready. So who do we test it on?
They looked at each other and replied in unison, "Ashley."
As if on cue, Dr. Hamilton walked in. Ashley Hamilton was the youngest of the real scientists in the makeshift lab. She was a certified genius at 22 years of age, but was often underestimated on account of her physical pulchritude. Although Ashley generally dressed in loose-fitting clothes with little adornment, it was still painfully obvious that more than her IQ was spectacular.
"Hey, Ashley, could you fetch that thing on the platform?" asked Billy, with his finger poised on the button.
"What thing?" she replied, "I don't see anything here on --"
Lightning flashed in on all sides, and her clothes dropped into a heap.
"WOO HOO! The Strip-o-Tron works!!!" howled Billy.
Casting about the room, Jake saw no sign of a naked Ashley. "You flippin' moron! You disintegrated her!"
"No I didn't. Instead of just displacing her one meter in space, I also displaced her forward in time. And while she's away," said Billy, walking over to the pile of clothes. "Aha! I TOLD you she wore a thong. You owe me fifty bucks, bro! And how about . . . what? 34C? Is that all?"
"Can I call 'em or what? Give me my money back, BRO," gloated Jake, "Hey, by the way, what was the delta t?"
"60 sec - crap! Back to the console, act cool!"
The lightning flashed again, and there stood a slightly disoriented Ashley, sans all clothing.
"Sorry about that, Ashley, it, uh, energized by accident," said Billy, trying very hard to suppress a chuckle. Nevertheless, he did not avert his eyes. Neither did Jake.
"Accident, my ass!" yelled Ashley, lunging for her clothes. "You little perverts, you did that on purpose! I'm telling John, and you're both going to be in BIG trouble!"
"All right, what's going on here?" asked the General, who had walked in to investigate the noise.
"General Connor, sir," said Jake, "we got the Strip- I mean, the uh, Time Machine working. But it only transmits living matter, not inanimate objects like say, um, fabric -- and stuff."
"It will do. Good work, guys. Call over Reese, we need to send someone back to protect my mother from that Terminator SkyNet sent..."
YOU ARE READING
14-year-old nerds are still as crude as ever, in spite of the apocalypse. Having solved the equations relating matter, time, and energy, what of all things do they decide to construct?