CHAPTER 76 How Do You Say Goodbye?

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copyright 2017 Chris Smith  All rights reserved.

"I dig

in my soul

for understanding

for salvation

from the pain."

@RantingsOfaGirl


JANUARY 18

FLICKR

How Do You Say Goodbye?

Days Juicing: 122

Mom's pain has become worse. She is at the point where there's so much going on her little tired old body, it has no energy left.

We have decided to minimize her suffering, by putting her on Morphine for the pain. We have started down a road, there is no return from. Mom has entered the path to start her journey to "The Great Beyond".

I can't stop crying. This wasn't the outcome we wanted. This wasn't the future I wanted for my Mom, for my Dad, my Brother, for my family.

But Mom has had enough. We know this because she isn't bouncing back, physically, even with all we've done for her these past 122 days.

And even with all the heartache, stress, and emotional drain on Dad and I, for caring for Mom, we wouldn't trade 1 minute.

It's not the stuff they leave, the possessions, it's the memories you keep of your time on earth with them. There have been such precious moments with her, with both my Parents I am grateful to have had....been able to share.

But it still cuts my heart, pretty deeply, to even contemplate a future without her.

It's been the three of us, for 25 years, like a Tripod, working, and sometimes living together. They've been my partners in life, the closest thing to a marriage, I have.

How do I be okay...ever again? And stop my heart from aching?

I don't know. I have no answers...but I hope to...some day.

Back-story: In August 2012 Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma (as energy tested to be impacting five different organs in her body). My Dad and I decided against chemo, radiation and pharmaceutical drugs. And instead were introduced by a cousin to "Gerson Therapy" and Dr. Max Gerson. And then to the book "Super Immunity" by Joel Fuhrman. We used the juicing idea from Dr. Gerson and added the nutrient data on organic produce from Dr. Fuhrman and put my Mom on a high powered juice regiment in September 2012, along with nutritional supplements and other energy/alternative therapies from our Chiropractor (also schooled in Applied Kinesiology). In November Mom went back into the hospital for a bowel obstruction, and was tested again to see what the status of her Lymphoma was. It turned out to have been significantly reduced, and the hospital was shocked. However, Mom had other issues, in addition to the Lymphoma.


CARING BRIDGE UPDATE

As of today, we have stopped giving Mom her juices and her pills. She is now on morphine for the pain. She is transitioning to enter "The Great Beyond".

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