Antilove

Diciotto

CAPITOLO DICIOTTO

the second falling out

***

THE KNOCKING COMES AT eight twenty in the morning. Three times, an orchestrated affair. Rose knows the exact exactness of such organized liaisons.

"I'll go get it," she says to Lucien. He's hardly awake. This will be his second time. Maybe his last.

She goes as she says but not before she runs her fingers through her hair and puts on a scarlet robe. Nothing between the silk and her warm skin, she ties the knot together at her waist. The radio in her head goes off at this instant. It's an old memory with her and her mother.

"Mom, I don't want to be," she says.

"I know. I know Rosie. But we can treat it when the time comes."

When the time comes.

But Rose didn't know that when the time came, her family would no longer be there. High school her was reasonably naïve. Things were sweet but also bitter and nothing really eased the salt of having to take pills during college—supposedly the last moments of youth she'd get.

When the time came, she was alone. This is the one given she's been able to know, the one constant in her life. Her friends never knew it to the degree that she did. She can't imagine Lucien could too and that's why he, although beyond wise, still can't grasp her.

"I told you to screw off if you can't be supportive."

Alex's voice is laced with ammo. But that's just so Alex, isn't it? Disgustingly rational and made from concise thought.

"It's your girlfriend's problem for believing some stranger in the first place," Rose says.

"What did you do?" he says. He's still standing by the edge of her door, right where she opened it.

"Just said that—"

"Why should I believe you? You lie about everything. And you want everything. Maybe for one second, you'd want to live out the rest of your life being a good person."

Her body recoils.

"Yeah, I knew. Found your pills the first night you invited me over. You'd think almost dying would make you charitable but you screw up everything you come across. Don't act so shocked. You wanted me to pity you, didn't you? Left them in an obvious position so I'd stay and play victim."

"I never," Rose starts. But she didn't even know.

"No one believes you anymore. Not even by association because Chelsea's gone. She's the only one that's ever been this good to me."

"I was good to you."

"How? If you really were, I would've stayed. Your mom would have too. Both of them."

By now, Lucien's heard the commotion. He comes and Alex scoffs when he sees him.

"Wrapped someone up in your lies? So they could pay for your funeral fees? Just drop-"

He's cut off by Lucien.

"Maybe you should go," he says. There's still a look of confusion on his face and Rose's heart flies. North or south, she won't know.

"You're right," Alex agrees. "Shouldn't have started a commotion in someone else's home. Shouldn't have started anything in the first place. I suggest you watch it, man."