Haze | Demi Lovato

9

Demi

Thing haven't been good. After Wilmer screamed at me, I had curled up into a ball, wallowing in my self-loathing thoughts. It's been two days, and we haven't said a single word to each other.

Until now.

"DEMI!"

I looked up from my book as Wilmer stormed into the music room.

"Did you hear me calling your name?"

"No, I was really into this book I'm so-" I flinched as he ripped the book out of my hands and threw it against the wall.

"I'm tired of this shit Demi."

"What shit?"

He held up his hand and my body froze when I saw it holding up a bag of white powder. "This shit."

"W-Where did you find that?" I said nervously.

"In your car. Under the seat. I was moving it and dropped my phone down the side. What the hell is this shit? You told me your were done!"

"I am done." I said, picking my book back up and curling back up on the couch. "That's old. I forgot it was in my car."

"That seems likely."

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm not going to try and explain myself to you. I know that bag is old and I forgot about it. Throw it in the trash. You might find others that I forgot about but I promise you I'm not keeping any of that it around purposely. It already ruined my marriage."

I went to walk past him but Wilmer grabbed my arm. I stared up at him in a challenge and he searched my eyes for any sign I was lying.

"Fine."

"Fine."

He released his grip on my arm. "I ordered dinner. It'll be here soon."

I didn't answer. I just walked past him up the stairs, too exhausted to say another word. I walked into our bedroom and laid in the middle of the huge king size mattress, staring up at the ceiling. I didn't want this, I didn't want to be alone in this bed. I hated fighting with Wilmer, I hated what our marriage had become.

"Demi."

I looked up, wiping my eyes when I saw Wilmer. "What?" My voice was cracked and hoarse.

"Dinner is here."

I got up and walked past him, ignoring the ache in my stomach when he pressed himself against the doorframe so as not to touch me. He had gotten us sushi, and for some reason it pissed me off. Sushi had always been our date night. We had gone to nearly every sushi restaurant in Los Angeles. I grabbed my box and walked back out of the kitchen to the living room, curling up on the couch. There was nothing on the TV playing, so I just ate in silence. A throat clearing though, made me look up.

"Yeah?"

Wilmer raised his eyebrows. "I wanted to know if we were still going to your mom's house tomorrow. It's Sunday and she invited us over for football."

"I don't know." I murmured. "I don't want my family to know about what's happening. I don't want them to see how you're treating me."

"That's rich coming from you." He snarled. "I'm not the one who single-handedly ruined this marriage and all of the trust we had."

That was it. Just like that, I was done. "Just go then. If you think our marriage is ruined, and you don't want to fix shit, then leave. Go ahead, this is your out. I can't do this anymore. I didn't ruin this. I may have bruised our relationship, but you snapped it in half the moment you left me alone in that rehab center. This is as much your fault as it is mine."

His face flickered with surprise that I was standing up to him. "You're just gonna give up then?"

I shook my head and looked down at my food. "It's not giving up if there's nothing left for you to fight for. You're not the man I married anymore. I don't even recognize this person you've become and frankly, I hate this person. I hate this version of you. You're cruel, and mean, and cold-hearted. The man I married wouldn't even act this way to someone he hated beyond reason, and here you are doing this to me. I'm your wife. We're supposed to be in this together."

"You're not the person I married either Demi, so don't think you're a fucking sain-."

"But I am." I interrupted. "I am this person. I'm the person who's not gonna take your shit and you knew that the moment you met me. I am an addict, and I will be one for the rest of my life. I will always be tempted. I will always want drugs, and alcohol. I will always want to harm myself, and to stop eating. That's never going to change. I wish you had figured out that you couldn't handle that before you put a ring on my finger."

"You wish I never asked you to marry me?"

I shook my head, looking down at my food as the fight drained out of me. "I wish I was smarter when I said yes."

~*~

I felt brave later that night, my confidence shakily rebuilding itself up when I walked to Wilmer's office, wrapped in a blanket from our bed. He was at his desk, typing into his computer.

"Will?"

"What is it?" He sighed, not moving his eyes from the screen.

"Can you look at me?"

He sighed, finally glancing at me with those cold dark eyes. "What, Demi?"

I gripped the blanket tighter around my shoulders. "I'm going to bed... I was just wondering if I could hug you yet."

His eyes didn't soften. "No."

I walked further into the room and he stood up from his chair. "Can we please just talk then? It doesn't have to be about us or anything. I just miss you. I miss talking to you. You're my best friend Wilmer."

"I'm not anything to you anymore. We have nothing to talk about."

I felt the lump in my throat grow. "I know you're acting like you hate me because you think it'll help, but it really won't. I know that I hurt you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I don't care."

"Please." I whispered, stepping even closer, behind his desk so I had to tilt my head to look up at him. "Please just hug me."

"Demi, get out."

"I love you." I said softly. "I don't know if you love me anymore. I don't even know if you'll ever love me again, but I love you. I love you so much it hurts. You're still my person and I need you right now."

"You don't need me. You need me to forgive you and I can't do that. I can't forgive you for this."

"How are we supposed to live then? How are we supposed to be married?"

"I don't know." His eyes blazed in anger and I knew I had pushed too far again. "But I need you to get out. You make me sick. I look at you and I don't see the woman I married. I see an addict, and an alcoholic, who ruined my life. Now leave."

So I went.

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-Rachel