Writing Like a Badass (Or at least a little better than you already do)

SHOW DON'T TELL

So when I get requests to check out someone's work, the first thing I often notice is that the writer is doing a lot of "TELLING". They're telling me their character has brown hair, they're telling me the barn was amazing, they're telling me "he was mean."

Y'know what. That actually doesn't tell me, as a reader, anything. It's great to get the words on paper and just get started, but you should also be thinking along the way how you can say something better. 

It's like you've taken out some ground beef from the freezer.

Yay.

Now what are you going to do with it? It's just sitting there, collecting condensation. It's a brick. It isn't anything at all, really.

Your readers want cheeseburgers, people! Turn that frozen brick into a meal. There's an old commercial that used to say, "Where's the beef?"

Here's an example:

Josie went to the amazing barn. She was excited to see her horse. But her horse was stabled next to a mean old mare. 

That's TELLING.

What made the barn amazing? How excited was Josie? Is she scared of the mean mare?

Let's find out by SHOWING.

Josie headed toward Mayfield Stables, a state of the art facility she was lucky enough to train at. The solar panels on the roof were probably gathering a lot of energy right now with the way the sun beat down on this summer afternoon. Her heart fluttered at the thought of finally seeing Osiris. They'd been apart while her family had moved and gotten settle in their new home. 

But as she entered the barn, she bit her lip. Magda, the mare boarded next to Osiris, stuck her head over the stall door and snorted at her. Josie's stomach flip-flopped. She squared her shoulders and marched toward Osiris anyway. Magda squealed and nipped at Josie as she passed, but Josie was quick to give her a wide berth. The two stared at one another. Magda was as mean as she was red.

Okay, can you see how that TELLING example got fleshed out into SHOWING? You're SHOWING me how mean the mare is, you're SHOWING me one of the details that makes the stable pretty cool, and  you're SHOWING me Josie's emotions.

When you let us inside the character's world (not just the physical word, but their heart and head, too), you allow us --the readers-- to connect with your character. In doing so, you're going to get the reader to start rooting for your character. They're really going to wish someone taught that mare some manners. Or, plot twist, Josie is forced to work with her. We're really going to feel that one! 

So go forth, my little bumble fish, and flesh out your stories. MAKE ME A CHEESEBURGER!