Chapter 48: Fool Me Once...

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PEEPPPSSS

Here ya go!

Thank you so much for all your comments! Also, because I was writing today a scene where Derek was cooking and making pancakes, I decided to make some for dinner in honor of our favorite vamp:)

Song of the chapter is "Superstitious" by Stevie Wonder.

OUT!

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Derek suggested that I go run before I saw Ethan, which was a good idea. I needed to clear my mind and figure out the shit show that my life felt like right now.

I was running on a trail that Billy used, letting my wolf run hard and pour all our frustrations into each stride. She was frustrated, angry, and confused. As was I.

We stopped and killed a few unfortunate rabbits along the way, rabbits that she tore into savagely. She was hungry for more blood, but we both knew that it wasn't really what we wanted. It wasn't really going to make us feel better or kill this sense of dread that was starting to brew in my belly.

I couldn't get over Derek's words. I couldn't get over them at all.

A push.

I remember how hard Levi pushed me. I couldn't forget even if I wanted to. There were some days it seemed like he was actually trying to kill me, probably because he was, but it was those days that made me dig deeper; pull into a place I didn't realize existed.

I remembered how scared I used to be, how much fear I used to carry. God I used to feel so guilty and harbor so much loathing for myself; so much anger. Think about it almost makes me laugh because that person feels so far from who I am now.

Maybe I judged Ethan wrong.

Maybe Derek is right? Maybe he is in that limbo of faith and fear with himself? Maybe he needs someone to push him? Maybe he's afraid because I do push him?

It used to scare me. I remember sparring with Liam for the first time and being so afraid of how powerful and brutal I was. It was a lot to take in. It was a lot to take in because I enjoyed it so much, because I liked that hum in my veins.

But there was a hum in his veins too, I knew there was. I had felt it now and I felt it in the memory. Damn, it was so strong back then.

I would push him.

I would push him because it's the right thing to do, because I know he can do more, he can be more.

Ethan.

I worried though, I worried about how many more arguments it may cause. I hated fighting with him, as did my beast. I hated it even more as time went by and the pull got stronger.

The pull.

It was getting harder and I could feel the toll. My beast could feel the toll. Levi was right, it wouldn't be good for us to go much longer, but something in me told me to hold on a little longer. I let out a long breath because I didn't know if I could, I didn't know if I even wanted to.

My beast agreed but we felt it again, we felt this need to wait. I groaned  because I didn't even know what the hell I was waiting for but something in my gut told me to just hold out a little longer.

I let out a hot breath as my beast and I trotted to a stream. Levi always told me to trust my gut, and this time, I knew if I didn't that I would probably regret it.

My wolf wasn't happy but she agreed. She didn't want to go against our intuition, no matter how much it pissed her off.

We lapped at the water and let the coolness run through us. It refreshed us and gave me some more energy that I needed to talk to Ethan. I would tell him tonight. Derek was right, he needed to know.

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