The Beginning of the Story

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I wasn't always like this. That pisses me off a little too, because it would have been easier to explain as a child. They would have just said "She has imaginary friends, how cute." Instead, I'm 17 and they say "That girl talks to herself, she's crazy" At least they don't say it out loud, but they think it. And just for the record, I am not crazy. It's like the minute I turned 17 suddenly I start hearing voices and I have to deal with it AND look like a normal person or else be ostracized by my culture.

The first time I heard it, I was at the grocery store with my mom picking up candles for my birthday cake and I kept complaining about how noisy people were and my mom and I looked around and nobody was speaking at all but it sounded like a roaring crowd in my head. She decided I had a migraine headache and walked us down the vitamin and drug aisle for some Tylenol. I had no explanation for it and I couldn't connect any of the voices to any of the people because I didn't know it was their thoughts and since it was late, everyone was decompressing, resting their mind and mentally spinning circles in their head. I had no idea that other people did that too.

The moment I figured out what it was that I was hearing, I had been talking to a boy and when he mentioned the name of another girl, I heard his voice praising her physical appearance. But I didn't know he was thinking about me. I was shocked that he'd be speaking this way to me. But when I looked him in the eye to confront him, I saw that his lips weren't moving, and I still heard the voice. I ran away like a lunatic when the things he said out loud weren't matching his thoughts and that holy fuck I can read minds.

My mom says it's my age but I think she'd do the same thing if she were living my life. I come home from school with all that noise in my head and I just need to be in my room, alone. When I shut the door to my bedroom and turn on my music and clean my room and chat with my friends, I'm finally relaxing. Mom relaxes with us so she doesn't get it. My need to be alone is in direct conflict with her need to be near me.

But once I realized that, dinner time wasn't so bad. I still didn't talk much but I listened. At first, at least. One night, Mom had a scrabble game delivered and asked Dad if he wanted to play. My mom kicks ass at scrabble. Dad hates it though. He's more of a "numbers guy" which really pisses me off. I mean, how can a person fall in love with someone so opposite themselves? I'm a word girl myself, so I asked if I could play instead of dad. Dad was more than happy to get off the hook and I knew that for the first time in my life, I might be able to beat her at the game.

I underestimated her.

And she didn't suspect a thing.

She's no word genius. She doesn't even think before she takes her turn. She just looks at the tiles at the last minute, throws out the first word she thinks of. Maybe there's a deeper level of thinking that I hadn't been able to hear. Hmmm, I never thought about that until just now. Also, maybe it is kind of genius to come up with a winning move with barely any thought.


So it's been about 4 months now and it hasn't gone away. I'm thinking that either it's going to disappear on my 18th birthday or I'll have it for the rest of my life. I'm planning to make the best use of it once I figure out what that is. Until then, I'm experimenting with it and I'm no expert on this sort of thing, but I think I've developed a skill where I can send people responses. Only somehow they don't know it's me.

It's only happened like twice but the second time, I did it on purpose, so I think I can develop that skill better if I practice it more.

The first time, my mom was dishing up a cupcake for me and I poked my finger into the frosting and KNEW I would want a second one. I didn't even ask her if I could eat two of them, I just said "Hey mom, that cupcake is so perfect. Can I take it in my room under the good lighting and take a picture for my Instagram? Mom said "Don't be silly, it's just a cupcake" So I called in to dad and said "Dad, don't mom's cupcakes look like they are perfect enough to be in like a magazine" And I brought him a cupcake, but the entire time he was talking I said "GIVE HER THE CUPCAKE" I don't even know why I referred to myself as "her." Next thing I know, after dad said "I've been telling her for years that she has the prettiest cupcakes" I was so disgusted that he was flirting with her in front of me and so confused by the idea that I think she heard me and mom whacked him with the dish towel and turned right around to fix me a bigger plate. She even tried to choose the one that would look best in a picture, kinda color coordinating the plate with the cupcake. Her indecisiveness was killing me. "Mom, I already have an idea for the shot. And I grabbed the cupcake and headed to my room. As I walked away I could hear her thinking "she didn't have to be so rude" and I knew I had to make it up to her.

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