Please point out any mistakes you might find while reading.
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Happy Reading!
10
Randall Flats makes his move, pushing against the crowd he goes after her and within moments his fingers wrap around her arm, pulling her backwards. He calls out her name but she's too frightened to turn around and see him standing next to her.
In that second, her energy flows through him like a bolt of electricity filled with both pleasure and pain. It lasts for only a moment before she slips away, breaking their connection, and his high is gone.
Her golden glow pulses in her heightened state of anxiety, surging against the dullness of the bodies surrounding her. She keeps going until she all but disappears into the darkness. She's a special one. Unlike all the others, she stands out as a more powerful and brighter being. He's going to enjoy this one for a little while longer before he goes in for the kill.
Words: 148
Question time:
Please be as honest as you can so I can improve my story. If something sucks I'd rather hear the truth. Also answer with inline comments so I can easily go through them and know which answer goes to what.
What do you honestly think of this chapter as a whole?
Did the chapter hold your interest until the very end?
In your opinion what can make this chapter better? Examples?
What did you like most about this chapter and why?
Where there any boring, annoying, or frustrating parts? If so what parts and why?
Does anything seem unclear/confusing with the setting, character description, emotion? Examples?
Does the opening hook you as a reader?
Does the ending make you want to keep reading?
What do you think will happen next?
Was the dialogue believable and natural?
Did you notice any obvious, repeating grammatical, spelling, punctuation or capitalization errors? Examples?
Is the pace too fast, too slow or just right?
Is there enough or too much description in this chapter? Examples?
Was the chapter length good?
How would you rate this chapter? Scale of 1-10
As always, any and all feedback is welcome and highly appreciated, so thank you so so much for all of it! Also, don't forget to follow me, add the book to your shelve so you can keep up to date and show the book some love by giving it a vote. :0)
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In The Pines (Rough Draft)
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