14. I'm open for love but I'm not desperate

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If you really love someone ask yourself does he even respects you and do you respect him. Coz if there is no respect there is no trust and if there is no trust there is no love

Coming forward he stands by my side wearing a red t shirt and loose pants. He is holding two cups and offers me one cup of hot chocolate

If he's gonna look so cute how will I restrain my eyes drooling over him

he knows what I like...How sweet

He stood there watching me and even i decided not to speak. Silence is more comforting than those heavy bomb like words " I thought you decided not to come back " he says finally breaking the silence

I try to avoid his gaze so that I'm able to control myself around him " I just got a little delayed...but here I am "

" I'm glad you came "

" i had to come " i whispered to myself

" pardon? "

" nothing "

he clinked the cup with me and I took a sip of the hot chocolate and it was little

Never mind....he made it for you

" you made this?" I ask smiling still not lookin at him and he halts his first sip

" yes I hope its ok " he hadn't taste it yet but that cute frown he made worrying about the taste alone made me melt. Damn this eyes couldn't stay focus for once

" its perfect " I lied and think when was the last time i lied so smoothly. I guess i have to make it a habit now coz im gonna live a lie from now on.

I hear a cough by my side and shift my focus on him again. Shit. i shouldn't have let him taste this

" shit I'm so sorry rose...this sucks...i spoiled it in a hurry " he shrug his shoulders in disappointment and wipes his lips from a hanky.

" its not that bad chris " he raised his eyebrows in disbelief at my statement

" you must be kidding...give me back I'll throw it in the bin " he takes a step closer and tries to snatch my cup but I stepped back shaking my head softly

I'll definitely not let him throw this in the bin. he made something for me for the first time.

I meet his gaze and say calmly " it doesn't matter to me how it tastes chris....the only thing matters is you made this.....for me "

His lips turned into a satisfied smile and we both started our staring contest. Only if he speaks his heart out things would have been so simple. I blinked my eyes first afraid to hold his gaze anymore

" are you making up to me for something? " I say taking one more sip and even he joins me

I dont even know if he remembers that night

I can sense him getting tense
" well yeah...I mean no....rose....you and I....this is so difficult"

" you are just makin it difficult. just say it chris " you love me

He inhales sharply and takes another sip " I hope you are not mad at me "

So he remembers that night

Am I mad?

Ofcourse not

" I'm not mad at you " I admit and he breathes a sigh of relief

" really i -" he hesitated to speak again trying to gulp the entire hot and salty chocolate in one go

I reached over and laid my hands on him after keepin my cup on a side and our gaze meets again. I nodded and he continued " rose the truth is the moment I bumped into you from that day I'm unable to forget your beautiful face"

Finally he's speaking

" when i started knowing you more i couldn't stop thinking about the way you smile...the way you speak....your innocence...all I could think was you and only you.....I feel a connection with you rose"

My eyes became glossy and my heart started beating faster

" and when you just left like that it was like some part of me is missing...you were out of my sight....I couldn't talk to you...I was gone crazy and without thinking I just came to meet you " hurt and pain and anger flashed in his eyes all at once.

Finally he'll say he loves me

I didn't knew I was crying until chris wiped a tear away from my cheeks. He ran a hand through his hair and backed away from me avoiding my gaze as if realising something " I shouldnt have"

What

" I shouldnt have tried to kiss you rose...I just got caught up in the moment and I just want to tell it wont happen again " I blinked blanking out for a moment registering what he just said

What the hell

My eyes flickered open to his. Moments later I wanted him to speak and now I want him to just shut up

Does he have a split personality

" you came here to..to tell me you are r-regretting that moment....is that so ? " i stutter because even accepting this is hard for me

" rose you dont underst-

" yes or no "

" yes " he speaks in a second and i hear something broke. It was my heart

He is regretting the moment which was the sweetest moment of my life. The moment I've been thinking again and again. I've neva fall for anyone in my life before him. I was ready to kiss him and he is regrettin it

" rose....I'll only give you pain " he cups my cheek and wipes my tear away

" why dont you let me decide that? " i hit him hard on his chest jerking his hand away.

" no...because i know and i wont be be able to forgive myself if i hurt you "

" what if I'm willing to take the risk "

" dont rose....dont make this hard for me " he averts his gaze

" what the hell is wrong with you chris....why dont you just tell me whats wrong " I snap at him and forced him to look at me but he said nothing

" I dont want to do this but I cant help....Rose please I beg you " i jerked his hand away from my face but he held my wrist and pulls me into his arms

One moment he is indicating me to stay away and the other he pulls me into his arms. How will this help me to stay away from him

" i cant believe I'm doing exactly what I promise myself not to do it " he whispers in my ear and strokes my hair

I stay there silently sobbing in his chest and even he is crying.

" I wonder do you even know what you want.....what can i do to help you get some clarity " my hand was on his chest and i can feel his heartbeats loud and clear

" just stay away from me "

" Fine..I'm open for love chris but I'm not desperate" I whispered silently "you are making this sound like I'm the one guilty....you were the one who keeps staring me....you were the one who find excuses to keep talking to me....you were the one who showed you cared for me alot.... you were the one giving me indications and and now..." i dont know what to say anymore

" i know rose....im sorry " he hugs me tightly as if he dont want to let me go

Im done with him now till I dont feel he'll take a step forward

We stayed like that for some more time. It was such an emotional moment because we both dont know what to say I love him but I cant force him to say it and he loves me but is not ready to say

We heard someone clearin his throat to get our attention and we both jerked.

what should rose do related to chris?

please comment guys

maahi

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