Damn it!

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My whole life was a lie, and finding out that I have a grandfather, that my father has brothers and that I maybe even have cousins has really shaken me up. It's so hard to stay here, now that I know what my parents didn't want me to know.

Living alone, made me get to know my mom and dad from inside to outside.
I know their favorite foods and beverages from 1 to 10. Mom has (E/C) eyes and dad (E/C) eyes.
Dad loves pizza and his weapons (Katana, Sai, Bō, nun-chucks). I once even saw them naked in their bed. But I was young and had no idea what they were doing, and just assumed they played Twister in bed for a further challenge and undressed because it got really warm.

Now I understand, and I know everything. I know what I am supposed to to in life. 
I am supposed to live. 
I am supposed to find friends, enemies, eat healthy and unhealthy food made by strangers. I am supposed to find someone special, and love that person until the end of my days. I am supposed to protect people, love people, get loved back by them, learn something new and useful and learn something completely useless. 

I am supposed to pass on my name to someone else. 

"Honey. Are you there?" Mom asked me from outside of the door while knocking softly on my door three times. I rolled over from my wall and faced the door before answering. 
Ever since breakfast, I went up to my room and tried to calm down. But the shock had really taken over me. I couldn't even focus on basic things, like brushing my teeth. The brush ended up falling down on the since twice. 

"I am" I simply answered and watched as mom opened the door. 
She came in quietly, her slippers making almost no noise against the dark wooden floor. She had this concerned face on and it looked as if she had cried. Her shirt had some spots from the oil while she was making breakfast. 

I sat up and crossed my legs while she sat down on the floor by the bed and leaned her head against the blanket. She always said it smelled like peanut butter. 

"I'm sorry" She suddenly apologized. I honestly waned to get her out of the room and be alone for a few more hours. But instead i touched her hair and sighed.

"It's okay, mom. I get it." She lifted her head up. "I look different and not supposed to be outside around people that looks like you" 

"Don't say that, honey." We didn't keep you here because you looked different"
"Not?" 
"Of course not." She got up and sat down next to me. "We kept you here for multiple reasons"
"Like what?" My words came out harsher than I meant, but she continued talking after one deep breath.
"When I met your father, (T/N), he had saved me from mean people. I never asked for these feelings, but it all just happened. We fell deeply in love, and later I became pregnant with you by accident. We had to leave the city. I had to leave my parents and tell them lies about my life." Her eyes began to water again and she swallowed a sob. "We both had been though so much in our lives. Our childhood had been completely ruined because of living there. In the city. A lot of people there don't really realize what they have, because they have everything served on a golden plate." The first tear escaped one eye.

"We wanted you to grow up in a nice environment. We wanted you to see beauty that people there couldn't see. Trees, flowers, freshly cut grass. See the stars at night and look at a beautiful garden decorated with fireflies. Most of those things can't bee seen in big cities. But we promised each other to one day take you there. Show you amusement parks, aquariums, the scenery of the big city at night, New Years festivals and whatever you would wish to see."

I get it now


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