Chapter 33

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"Everything okay Kiddo? You're very quiet." Dad comments.

I just shrug and poke at my ice cream some more.

"Anything you want or need to talk about?" He asks and I shake my head.

I'm just in a little shock and there's so much confusion clouding my mind. What if everyone wasn't lying to me? What if I was just too caught up in my own mind to realize? If I believe that I'm skinny, will I see it? I'm skinny, that's the truth. I'm too skinny. That's also the truth. But when will I see it? Will I ever see it? I've haven't seen it in years.

My head is a blur. Yesterday I was too fat, now I'm too skinny. If I look in the mirror tonight will I see something different? Will I finally see what Vic sees? If I see myself as skinny, will I finally be happy?

"Kell, seriously, are you okay?" Dad asks seeming even more worried.

"Yeah, yeah. I just feel a little dazed right now." I explain rubbing my tired eyes.

"What happened in there? Did she upset you?" He asks.

"No. I mean, yeah. But it's okay. I think she helped me." I mumble.

I pick up a spoonful of ice cream and put it in my mouth, enjoying the taste and for once not worrying about the calories.

"In what way did she help you?" Dad asks curiously.

"I'm not fat Dad." I breathe. "I just lie to myself and it makes me believe that I'm fat."

He looks at me shocked and stays silent as I continue to eat my ice cream.

"I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth." Dad whispers. "I-I'm so happy. Do you really believe that you're skinny?" He asks, a hopeful sparkle in his eyes.

I nod.

"Yeah, the facts add up, don't they? I'm medically underweight. I'm too skinny. I don't know if I'll see that, but I know it's true. Maybe I can stop starving myself now." I mutter.

Dad throws his arms around me and hugs me tightly and comfortingly. I smile and wrap my arms back around him.

"You're growing up so fast, Kell." He sniffs.

I smile and just let him hold me. No matter how much I grow, I'll always need my dad.

"This is going to make your mom so happy. And Vic's going to be so proud." He explains making me smile wider.

"That sounds nice Dad." I say pulling away. "But do you think we could try not to make a big deal out of this. I'm still really confused at the moment." I ask and he nods.

"Yeah of course." He smiles.

"I can't wait to see Mom happy. I feel like I'm constantly disappointing her." I mumble.

"Kell, not for one second has she ever been disappointed in you. Believe it or not but she's so proud of you. Not many kids could go through what you've gone through and still be able to smile at the end of the day." He explains.

"Thanks Dad. It's because of you, Mom, Vic and my friends that I can even smile at the end of the day." As I speak, the smile doesn't leave my face and I feel like it never will.


"Maybe you can start having unmonitored meals now!" Mom exclaims.

"That sounds nice Mom." I whisper, placing my empty plate on the kitchen counter.

She hasn't stopped. She's obviously really happy and proud but Christ, I don't have the energy to deal with this. It's been an exhausting and confusing day.

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