Alex's POV

I stepped into the Church, immediately overwhelmed with the smell of candles and cleaning products only making my throbbing headache worse.

"Alexander, is that you?" My father asked from the other room, his voice void of emotion.

"Y-Yeah." I stuttered praying he was to busy to hurt me today; but I knew I shouldn't fill my head with false hopes. My father walked out, his back straight his hair neatly pulled back.

"I thought I told you to stay out of the Church. We frown upon people like you here." He said angrily.

"I-I know and I'm sorry but I missed the bus and-" I started to explain quietly, his hand silencing me with a firm slap, a loud clap ringing through the empty room.

"Get out of my sights and go home." He hissed, his fists clenched.

"But i-it's a five mile walk and its freezing out!" I cried fearfully, causing him to smack his hand roughly across my face again, only harder this time.

"You here me gay boy!? Get out of my church!" He howled pointing at the door. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I turned towards the door, knowing even my own father thought I was worthless.

"How do you even have the guts to walk into God's palace knowing your going against his will and falling for men, and knowing its your fault your brother is dead." He scoffed, his words stinging like a blade, only making all the pain worse.

I slammed the door behind me and fell to my knees in the snow, that coated the ground in a thin sheet of white, more snow gradually falling from the icy sky.

"Why does the world hate me?" I sobbed tears now falling from my eyes. "Why?"


By the time I had reached the house I was shivering violently, my whole body frozen to the bone. I pulled open the door quietly and stepped into the house; warm air cascading over my face quickly.

"Home sweet home." I muttered sarcastically. I walked over to the basement door and silently pulled it open, walking down into the cold dark room, flipping on the dim light as I walked.

I heard the front door slam and I knew my father just got home. It angered me that I walked all the way here, just for him to arrive moments later. I heard his feet pound on the ceiling above me and I hopped onto my bed resting my head on my dank pillow, silently praying he wasn't going to come down and beat me; But like I said before; I shouldn't fill my head with false hopes.

"Faggot are you in here!" He screamed ripping open the basement door storming down the stairs, his face harsh. I felt my eyes grow wide when I noticed the silver plated knife in his hand.

"Im not gonna kill you faggot, that'd be to easy. I'd rather watch you suffer." He grinned evilly, waving the knife around like this was all just a sick twisted game. In his mind, it probably was.

It happened swiftly. One moment i'm cowering in the corner and the next I feel the blade cascade over my cheekbone swiftly drawing blood. What was odd, was as the blood was flowing from my face; all I could think about was Jack and how he had helped me earlier. I didn't understand why he did it. Probably to prolong the suffering as my dad had said; He didn't want to make all of Blake's fun end. It was sad how any of the jocks would die to be in Blake's place and they'll do anything to get close to him.

I grasped my hand to my face, cringing away to the corner of the dark basement as crimson liquid spilled from the gash.

"Why do you hate me so much? You're my father, you're supposed to love me." I sobbed, burying my face in my now crimson stained hands. "Like you used to."

"Because your a worthless faggot Alex. You've gone against gods will. I raised you better. Lets not mention you killed your own brother." He snapped, wiping of the knife. "Don't bother coming up for dinner."

I watched in horror as he stalked up the stairs, leaving me there on the cold basement floor bleeding and crying. I honestly had no reason to live anymore. I pitifully crawled over to my bed, my whole body aching and pulled out the gun I had stashed deep in the cracks of my bed. I ran my fingers over the trigger and sighed, images of my life flooding before my eyes.

I pressed the gun to my temple and closed my eyes.

"Sorry Rian, I can't keep my promise." I whispered before I pressed my finger down hard on the trigger.


I pressed my finger down again, harder this time.

Still nothing.

I pulled the gun away from my head and opened it up to find I had no ammo.

"Dammit." I cursed under my breath. I chucked the gun across the room, it smashing against the concrete wall. I rested my my head in my hands for a minute before I stood up and walked over to the mirror.

I pulled my shirt over my head and looked in the mirror; my body covered in bruises and cuts; My ribs sticking out prominently. My hair was messy and uncombed falling into my face still caked with dried blood.

I was disgusting and ugly.

"Why didn't Jack just let me die?" I whispered quietly, anger filling me quickly.

"Why didn't Jack just let me die?" I screamed louder, bringing my fist into the mirror; making it shatter into millions of sparkling pieces stabbing my hand with a shard. I shrieked in pain, clamping my hand to my chest quickly, sobbing heavily.

"Why didn't he just let me die?"


Oah noes! Poor Lexy :'( He fails at suicide :\ But I mean. . . if he didn't fail the story would be over so it honestly made no sence for him to actually kill himself. You see where i'm coming from right? I'M NOT CRAZY I SWEAR! Okay well thanks for reading and don't forget to vote and comment! <3