The Left Behind Curtain

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"So why are you walking down the street wearing a red curtain?"

"This is not a curtain. This is Jesus' last robe."

"His Last robe?"

"The one he wore before they clocked him."

"Your Mama says a drape's missing from the living room window. And you got on this long red thing here."

"A refrigerator went missing out of Sears. Saw it on the news. I guess you think somebody is wearing it. You crazy man."

"Well no. I mean nobody can wear a refrigerator."

"And nobody wears curtains. This is Jesus' last robe."

"Where did you get it?"

"Out his tomb."

"And you were in Jerusalem when?"

"That is not important."

"I thought his robe was kind of purplish. The one you're wearing looks very red, like the lonely curtain covering half your mama's window over there."

"Her curtain is her problem. This is Jesus' robe."

"Come stand near the curtain hanging in the window. Do you see the similarity between it and the garment you are wearing? I admit, It does look like a garment Jesus might have worn. But it may not be. You may have left the real thing hanging in the window here. Look, your mother is begging for you to come inside the house."

"I'm not going in that woman's house. She looks crazy whooping and hollering--on her knees and off her knees, on her knees and off her knees. She ain't Catholic."

"Stay here and I'll bring the other red curtain to you. We can make a comparison."

"I ain't staying nowhere. I got to go all over."

"Are you trying to save us?"

"Save who?"

"Save us like Jesus did, from our sins. I'll bet you can heal too. There's a guy in a wheelchair at the bus stop. He's looking at you. Go heal him."

"Man, you crazy. I ain't no Doctor."

"But Jesus healed people."

"Did I say I was Jesus? You imagining things."

"You're trying to say I'm crazy?"

"I'm trying to say is, I got his robe and I'm going over to SCISSOR CUTTINS and get me a haircut. I'm getting away from your crazy ass. You got some vision in your head of a dude walking on water wearing a refrigerator. I'm getting the hell away from you."

"But...Don't run away!" 

The crazy wild man in the curtain slipped between my fingers as if he was wearing a greased straight jacket. He got a haircut. Afterward, he stood in line at Wendy's between two cars and bought himself a fish sandwich. He then shuffled over to Potter's Liquor Store and picked up two boxes of wine. He drank one and a half until he was conked out. His mama then had him dragged back to the house, stripped her curtain off him and hung it back up. She put double pointed hook in each pleat to make sure it drew blood if anyone tried to take it down. The dude slept for a couple days, woke up and went to work.


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