LMPYITP: The Random Passages

"I'm inside my head now and it's where I [shouldn't] be."

* * *

The room was so fucking dark. The sun had disappeared. No wait. It was two o'clock in the fucking morning. The sun wasn't even out yet!

I breathed deep trying to catch my breath. 'It was all a dream.' I told myself. So that had to mean...

The bed was still a mess on her side. I couldn't make the bed now. It was one of the few things I had left of her.

The pillows still had her smell and just a couple pieces of her hair. The sheets still had a bit of her shape pressed in them. And her smell. Cherry blossoms and peaches.

She left all her perfume and that. Her body wash was still in the bath. And her clothes. Her clothes were still in the cupboard and the dresser. She'd taken over half me storage space. But I didn't care. I liked sharing with her.

Didn't she know that?

My head started spinning again. Sleep was hard to find with her gone. She made it easier to have a kip. Sharing a bed with her made it way more comfortable.

"He has to fucking know where she is." I thought out loud. "She always goes to him. He has to fuckin'..."

That trip to Marylebone was probably the longest one ever but it had to be done. He was going to give me answers whether he fucking wanted to or not.

"Liam?" He said when he answered the door and saw me stood there. His face was all twisted up like he'd just been woken up from a good dream. Fuck that! "What're you-"

"Where is she?!" I snapped. "Where ya fuckin' hidin' her?"

"Who?"

I stamped my foot as I shook my head. He wasn't going to fucking play me. No fucking way.

"What the fuck-"

"Where's our Blue?! She always runs to ya and then you keep her away! Where'd ya-"

"What're ya on about?!" He asked. "I haven't seen-"

"You're lyin'!" I screamed. "Just like when she fucked off to Coventry-"

"What the hell have you done?"

I looked at him puzzled. "What?"

"She only ever leaves when you've done summat to hurt her." He pointed at me. "So what'd ya do this time?"

"I ain't done nothin'!" I shook my head. "She's the one who-"

"Bollocks! She runs off 'cuz you do somethin' stupid."

I looked at the floor thinking. "No. No!"

"What happened?" He asked.

I thought back to New York. Of us in bed, planning it all out. "We were gonna go on holiday." I mused. "Her idea. Well, it was my idea for a holiday but she picked the place. We were happy. She was happy. She had a smile on her face."

"So what changed?"

"Nothing. Everything was good. We...well she had to go off to do that interview in Australia with whoever that fuckin' Australian bloke was. Couldn't be arsed to remember him but she fuckin' liked him I guess. She were due back a week later but then Fiona showed up and everything turned to shit."

"Why?" He asked.

My heart dropped as I thought about it. I put my hand on my chest and squeezed my jacket pocket, hearing it crunch inside.

He looked at me curiously. "What's in your pocket?"

I pulled it out and passed it to him. I shouldn't have brought it but it was the last bit of writing I had from her even if it was the biggest load of bull shit I ever read.

"Are you sure this is real?" He asked after he read it. "Not just some bollocks Fiona's stirrin' up?"

See? I told ya she was just fucking with me.

Our Kid let me stay at his. I would've gone back to mine but he was offering up the guestroom.

Her room.

The smell of cherry blossoms gave it away.

...

...

Our Kid was a fucking mess but he always was when it came to Jules. It was a bit scary how obsessed he was with her. Never thought I'd see the day when he actually cared about a bird as much as he cared about himself.

It was a bit sickening at times. I know some people probably thought the same about me when it came to my antics with Sara but that was different. This was my brother we're talking about.

He fell hard for Jules. Fucked things up with her numerous times but somehow always managed to patch them up. They'd forgive each other and move forward. Even when she took off.

I can't remember every time he come busting down my door when it happened. Well, I can remember each time but I can't remember every place she'd gone. New York was one of them with that prick out of the Enemy. Crazy fucker, he was. Drugged our Liam because he wanted our Jules. She tried to go back to Ohio once too I think but Liam stopped her before she even left Heathrow.

There were times when I helped her. Someone had to. It was for her safety more than anything else. And considering the state her husband was in during those times, I did her one hell of a favor.

But this time was different. This time she hadn't come crying to me. Summat had to be up. She trusted me with things she couldn't tell Liam. Saw me as someone who could keep her safe when he gets out of control. And now it was like I was nobody.

He was still lying up in the guestroom. Fuck knows how much sleep he actually got but he was quiet and not up my arse for once.

"Did ya ring our Jules?"

"No."

"Did ya at least try?"

He needed a fucking phone. It was ridiculous how people played his secretary, Jules included.

But for once, he was right.

It wasn't like her to disappear from me. She always came to me for advice. For security. When there was no way Liam could give it to her.

I quietly went out to the back garden. Sara, thank fuck, had gone away with the kids for a few days. Perfect timing. There was no way I could deal with this shite and have them around as well.

It was time for me to save the day. I'd done it so many times I'd lost count.

I sat down at the table and lit a cigarette. I felt a bit wired in the last however many hours it was since Liam arrived on my front step and hoped a dose of nicotine would sort me out. Wondering where Jules was kept me awake as much as it did him. And since I didn't have the upper hand this time, I worried even more.

I pulled my phone out and found the number.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Then finally...

"Jules?" I said excitedly when I heard her say hello.

I had to take a second to figure out what I was going to say.

And then I just went for it.

...

Author's Note:

The title is a quote from the movie adaption of The Plague Dogs. I would've liked to include a clip of the scene it's in but couldn't find one on YouTube. The song at the top fits the theme well though I think. I hope this holds you over until Jules' next update. It might be coming soon so stay tuned. Thanks again for reading!