LMPYITP: The Random Passages

"I'm inside my head now and it's where I [shouldn't] be."

"Yeah." She agreed. She fucking agreed! "Not to mention he's going bald."

I perked up at that one. Turned my head and got a proper view.

They were sat together on a park bench.

With smiles on their fucking faces.

"Is he really? I thought I read that somewhere. All the more reason we shouldn't reform Oasis. I always said we'd quit when Liam goes bald."

I wasn't going fucking bald! I had fucking mega hair and she loved it. Tangling her fingers in it and fucking-

"He tries to hide it and it's freaking pathetic." She continued. "But I suppose everything about him is."

"How so?" He asked curiously.

"You fucker!" I yelled but he just ignored me.

And so did she.

"He can't sing anymore. He tries so fucking hard to be Ian Brown. At least Ian can sing. Liam sounds like a fucking cat dying. All worn out and just screaming."

"Why d'ya think I quit the band? The singin' became shoutin' and I couldn't be arsed for it anymore."

"I can fuckin' sing, ya dickhead!" I shouted.

He always took the piss about my voice. Said I couldn't do the high notes.

Just so he fucking could.

She gazed out in front of her. She still hadn't noticed me. Fuck knows I wanted her to but for some reason I just stood there and listened.

"I think his dick's shrinking too."

"You what?" He giggled.

"His dick is getting smaller." She spoke again. "And half the time he can't even get it up."

"That's not true!" I exclaimed. Sure, there were times when I needed a bit to warm up but it wasn't because I had problem! I just liked to let her get me going. She knew some great tricks and as much as I loved going fast, sometimes it was better to take it slow.

"It were good ya dumped him." He told her. "You deserve better. Someone who'll look after you."

"Like who?" She asked with a grin.

He grinned right fucking back. "Me!" He pointed his thumbs at himself.

She chuckled. "I always liked you better. After Oasis broke up, I was definitely on your team."

He nodded at her.

"Couldn't be arsed for Beady Eye. They suck. Bad."

"No we didn't!" I screamed. "And you loved us so why the fuck would ya-"

"Come away with me, Jules." He said as he grabbed her hand.

"You fuckin'-"

"Where to?" She asked looking at him.

He gave her that fucking shit eating grin. He leaned over to put his mouth by her ear. "Wherever you're hidin'."

She smiled as he pulled his head back.

They sat there staring at each other. I should've fucking sprung at them but my feet felt cemented where I was.

"No!" I yelled as they leaned in closer to each other. "NO!"