Garden of Evil (Lonely Hearts Club)

Dance With The Devil

After the window incident, my brain didn't really functioning well. There were so many scenarios playing in my head, scenarios starring me singing and dancing to the radio, me tripping over my clothes, me shoving spaghetti into my mouth and all that only in my non matching underwear. Well, if the smoking alcoholic saw any of it that's fine with me, he is the one who had to live with those memories. Why did I even care?

Suddenly, totally tired, I fell into my bed like a dead body and let sleep take over me. All that walking today really tired me out.

The next morning I woke up and opened my curtains to let the sun float into my room but that didn't happen, thanks to the Coleman mansion. It only took me a second to spot Smoky leaning on the balcony fence again. He didn't wear a shirt. Standing there, only dressed in his jeans, I had to admit he was very attractive, some would  even call him fine as hell. His right arm and right chest were full of tattoos. He had a muscular body that wasn't too massive though. I actually could get used to this sight.

As if realizing me checking him out he gave me a cocky wave and I thought I could see him wink.

So what I spontaniously did was:

I unhooked my bra at the front and let the material slowly slide down my breasts. Next I covered my breasts at the very last moment before their revelation and turned around, letting the bra fall to the ground, keeping my head turned to the side, so I could see him from that angle. Smoky was watching me intensely. But I decided that wasn't enough, finally I took my hot pants off, slowly swaying my hips in the process. Now I was standing with my back turned to him the only material covering my body was my black lacy slip. When I looked at him for the last time, I saw his cigarette drop from his mouth to the floor. With that triumph I walked out of his sight and went into my bathroom. Because this time I didn't care if he saw, this time I wanted him to see. I took my power back by showing him that I didn't care if he saw and if he would see me in the future through my window it would be under my conditions.

When I was getting ready for my job interview for the second time around, my phone started ringing.

I saw Bianca's caller-ID blinking on the display. After my father died she somehow managed to get my number but I couldn't take the idea of her being in my life, she never was and never will be from now on. I picked up the phone to tell her exactly how I felt about her attempts to get involved with me.

"Hey, Bianca."

On the other line I heard sobbing and what not.

"Oh Alexa, I was so worried why wouldn't you ever answer my calls. I thought something happend...", I cut her off, even her voice made me angry.

"A lot happened actually. I'm good though you do not need to call. So?"

I heard a hurt snot but at least she did as I said.

"I was really worried", yeah, I  highly doubted that, " I think it's the best if you would live with me and Ronnie for a while, I mean where are you even and how do you feed yourself. I just want you t...".

"No, you don't Bianca, you just feel responsible for everything that happened to me after my dad's passing. But I'm fine really. I got a degree in economics and curently I am looking for a job. I'm 24 years old now and grown. I can take care of myself, all you need to know is that I have bought an apartment from my dads financial remains and moved far far away from you and I would appreciate if you would stop trying to stay in contact, you are the least person I want to see or hear of. I'm sorry." 

She was saying stuff on the other line. But I didn't listen. I just couldn't. I didn't need her as a kid and I sure as hell didn't need her now. I never loved her, really I did never. How could you love someone who was hurting your dad and  was abandoning you over and over again. I just ended the phone call after she told me she would like to visit me.

I had so much anger in me and I still hurt for my dad so much, at this point all I could think about were all the opportunitys I missed telling him how much I loved him. Maybe my dad died because he didn't know how much I loved him. I often obsessed about thinking I could have prevented his suicide if I weren't such a selfcentered teenager, maybe if I had showed him that my love was strong enough to fill the hole Bianca left, we could have still been together.

I took of to Jon Henry's restaurant and shook off all my demons. Just one call made me swim in a dark ocean full of self pity again.