(all italisized writing is in the diary all non-italisized is her in present day)
I remember it happening, why i had ended up in the orphanage, why i had turned out to be such a screw up. There is a reason for all of it; and its all my parents fault. I did nothing wrong! How could i have? I remember them leaving me there defenseless. How could they be so selfish just leaving me out there in the elements just to abandon me? I will never forget it, the pain the suffering the absolute loss that i felt. They had left and i felt so empty. My mom had always told me that i was a fighter that i could get through it but when I laid in the snow my heart beating slower and slower my eyes struggling to stay open my breath coming slower as i finally decided to give up the cold enveloping me. I had given up because they had given up on me.
I was 8 years old, i can remember and my parents ,Andrew and Sandra, and I were sitting at the dinning room table finishing our meal of spaghetti and meatballs. I remember my mom used honey in the recipe too as she had said "it makes it extra special for an extra special girl." I wonder if she would still say that today about her miserable loser of a daugther.
I sighed pulling my legs closer to me shutting the cover of the worn out diary, all that was left of me. The only thing that kept me sane kept me going. I starred out the window seeing the snow falling reminding me even more of that awful night.
"Come on Anne lets go for a walk in the woods to enjoy the day!" said my mother cheerily. I instanltly agreed running over to my pile of shoes and pulling from the bucket my favorite sneakers. Surprising though I remember before that day that my mom nevre let me wear sneakers in the winter but for some reason that day was an exception. She said nothing. Dad came up behind me opening the small closet door which contained all of our coats and sweat shirts. I reach out poking my daddy and demanded. "Get me mommies fleece!" I loved that fleece it smelled just like her lavender and vanilla. And again out of the ordinary Dad let me have it without saying a single thing. But I was too young i had no idea what was going on and why would my trust waver for them i had no reason for it to. Sometimes i wish i had been older to understand and stop them, to keep them from destrying my life. I hate them for it.
I sat back again inhaling deeply trying to push the tears back to where they belonged i couldn;t show weakness here, i was already weak inside but showing it in front of the other girls my age wouldn;t matter anymore they would lose respect for me. I looked deeper into the room seeing girls all ages and sizes storming around having fun playing and laughing. Something i hadn't done it ages, and i would never do.
I remember clutching myself trying to keep in the heat, bouncing around and rubbing my hands together furiously because i had to wear that stupid fleece. “How much longer?” I had asked but my parents keep looking straight ahead. I continued asking over and over but they never even made a motion to turn and aknowledge my precence. What had changed in those few minutes that we would go from happily eating dinner together to me being left out to me being alone and not cared for? I remember i started to fume from frustration and kick up snow into the air. I watcthed it silently as it fell right back to the ground. Finally i had gotten a response. They had turned slightly to warn me to stop. But i continued i remember i wanted them to look at me.
Sandra had said "Baby girl, you need to stop doing that you are going to get your feet soaked!" It makes no sense if they cared so much they would have made me wear the boots! I had stopped for a moment to let myself catch my breath. I had looked around at the beautiful scene. I can still remember that the trees were heavy and laden with snow dipping the branches down to the ground. They were all shiny and frosted with thin coats of ice which made them sparkle with the last hints of light making their way through the trees. I had stood still in awe of the wonderful masterpiece. Something i admit i was not good at doing, but what little kid is? Seeing all the snow and beautiful frosted trees made me realize winter was my favorite season.