The Badasses

Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Luke's POV;

"Luke, come on man. You have to get out of bed. We've held this day off for awhile now and we can't wait any longer" Michael said.

"Fuck off, we can hold it back another day." I grumble, hiding in the blankets.

"Luke, you've said that all week. It's time" he pulled the blankets back.

I sigh, clutching the pillow in my hands as my bloodshot eyes open and look at him. "Please don't make me do this" I whimpered.

Michael looked at me with a frown and sat beside me. "We can't hold it off any later Luke, it's now or never" he said gently.

I sniffle and shake my head a bit. "Then never. The moment I see her go down into the ground is the moment where all of this becomes true. If I don't see it happen, I can pretend she's fine, pretend she's here" I say quietly.

"Luke, it hurts for me to say this too...but she's not coming back. You have to face this but you aren't alone, we're here for you" he said, placing his hand on my knee.

"M-Michael, I can't face. I can't do this" my bottom lip quivers as the tears start to well up again. "I can't do it! I can't do anything if she isn't by my side!"

Michael sighs, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I can't help but cry in his shoulder, clutching onto his shirt.

"I thought it was supposed to be easier as time went on...why does it feel like it's just getting harder?" I sniffle.

"I'm sorry buddy, I don't know how I'm supposed to help you but I'm trying. It hurts us all to see you like this" he whispered.

He talked to me for another hour before coaxing me to get in the shower. Eventually I just gave in and got in the shower because I couldn't keep pushing him off.

You know you're at rock bottom when you can't even shower on your own. Michael had to help me shower, something I think practically every man in their twenties can do on their own.

Once I got out, Michael had to even help me get dressed. He helped me balance as I put on my black skinny jeans and he buttoned up my black shirt for me. He helped me put my shoes on before telling me he'll make me some breakfast.

I go to Danny's room, finding that she's awake but just staring at the ceiling, kicking her legs a bit. I pick her up, kissing her forehead gently.

"You're so quiet love, it kinda scares me" I mumble to her, rubbing her cheek gently. "I bet you're hungry huh?" I say, going downstairs and to the kitchen to make her a bottle.

Michael watches me as I make a bottle with only one hand, offering to help but I tell him I've got it. I felt rather accomplished that I could do something, even just a small thing.

"You're a good dad" Michael said, still cooking breakfast. "I can tell already" he said as I fed Danny.

"It's gonna keep getting harder, doing it on my own isn't gonna be very easy" I say, glancing at him.

"You aren't alone, I promise. You'll have to put an electric fence up to keep Harry away from her" Michael said and I chuckle a bit.

It was a genuine chuckle and it felt great. It feels like forever since the last time I truly laughed about something. When my world came crashing down, some things just didn't seem amusing anymore but I'm trying.

"I'm gonna go change her diaper and get her dressed" I tell him before going back up to her room.

I changed her diaper, dressing her up in a onesie with black and red flowers on it. I kiss her forehead gently, just looking at her. She smiles and giggles a bit.

"You're so much like your mom" I said quietly, giving Danny a sad smile. "So beautiful" I mumble, rubbing her cheek bone softly.

When I picked her up, she cuddled into my chest and held onto my shirt tightly like she was scared I'd be gone if she let go. I kiss the top of her head, keeping my tears at bay. I can't keep crying, that won't help anything, it won't bring her back.

"Lets go downstairs baby, we gotta leave soon I'm sure" I mumble to her.

I know today will definitely be one of the hardest days I'm ever gonna have to go through. What human can go to their wife's funeral and not feel like their world just diminished to nothing? Certainly not me.

As I went downstairs, my hands shook a bit but I held onto Danny tightly to make sure I don't drop her. She's the most important thing to me right now, the only thing I'm living for is her.

Every time I look down at my gorgeous daughter, I think of her mother. I can only hope that it'll get easier as time goes on because it feels impossible right now.

I walked over to Michael who was cleaning up the things he used to make breakfast and he slid a plate over to me to eat. I didn't feel like eating anything but decided Michael wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't eat it.

I ate the food a bit quickly, just wanting to get it down. Once it's gone, I go and get a diaper bag ready for Danny, packing a bottle and lots of diapers just in case.

I look down at her, kissing her forehead gently. "Wanna go see mummy one more time?" I asked gently.

Her eyes lit up at the mention of mummy and I sigh softly. I wish she could meet her, I wish Danielle could see how wonderful our baby girl is. She's so beautiful, the most precious thing I've ever seen. She definitely takes after her mother.

I sling the bag over my shoulder, Michael waiting at the door for me. I guess this is it. There's no going back and there's no changing what happened. I have to suck it up and just move on.

"Lets go see mummy" I told Danny, walking out to Michael's car to face the pain that's soon to come.

{A/N: it's been awhile, I'm sorry! But this actually made me cry so yeahhh but anyways! I hope you all are doing well. I love you all and thank you so so much for reading! It's not quite done yet!

All The Love,
R xx}