Suicidal

o n e

I walk into my high school with my head down.

Everyone was either throwing waded up paper at me, laughing, sending me glares, or ignoring me in general.
I just need to keep my head down as I walk to my locker.

I opened my locker and it slams right back in my face again.

Well dang, My hair was almost caught in that, I would have thrown hands.

I look up and see Sidney, the so called most 'popular' girl in school.
Along with her two friends.
I've named them 'Stupid' and 'Who Cares bout you'.

"Oh.. sorry, I didn't see you there." She said sarcasticly.
"No one ever see's her, she is like a ghost."
'Who cares bout you' says next to her, while smacking on her gum and twirling her hair.
Wow, that was a good one.
Give this very clever chick here a gold medal!!

They laugh and walk away.
I roll my eyes at them and open my locker again.
I used to fight back, but there's not a point to it anymore.
Everyone goes against me anyways, so I tend to let it all be.

~

I get home and break down when I close my door to my room.
This is what I'm used to...but today was different.
Everything was going wrong!

First my mom found out that she had lost her job, then my dad got hurt at his work and was sent to the hospital.
My sister was sent home from school for 'getting into a fight'. Although it's not her fault when she was the one who got punched.

And don't even get me started on school.
I'm use to all the pushing, laughing and shoving.
But today was just different.
I was handed a note today, with a long list of reasons someone hates me.
Who would go to the trouble of writing out '100 reasons I hate Megan'?

For the longest time I would ignore everyone.
I thought it would go away in high school, but everything just got worse.
I'm hurting, physically, and mentally.

Today is one of those days that I want to give up this life.
I want to put everyone out of there misery. give them what they want.
I want a different life than this.
It would honesty be so much easier to start fresh as a new person.

Everyone would be happy if I left.
Right?
It definitely feels like it, no doubt about that.

My sister is captain of her soccer team, so she makes my parents so proud.
I can't even get good grades.

My sister doesn't talk to me because I don't play sports, and I'm not a straight A student, and my parents?
Well they're disappointed in me.
When I was younger they put me in soccer, Softball, and Volleyball.
I was terrible at all of them.
I couldn't run as fast as the other kids, I wasn't aggressive enough, I couldn't hit a ball with a bat, my feet, OR my hands.

I'm just a disappointed to my family.
My mom was a cast director assistant and now she's going on to be a full time Movie producer, my dad works at a factory as a manager, my sister is captain of the soccer team, and me?
I'm just suicidal with no one to turn to.

**********