Chapter I

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"...time of death 1400 hours." The E.R. Doctor's glove snapped as it was removed from his hand, a finite sound that Dustyn found rather disturbing. The type-bar impact of a period on death's typewriter following two words, 'The End.'

Dustyn emotionlessly examined the cacophony of tubes and hoses lain rather carelessly into and over his former body. He floated above the gory scene in the emergency room where his body now lay in state. He observed the odd pallor of his blood splattered face and the silence of his heart no longer thumping rhythmically away. His chest lay motionless, the lungs contained inside ceasing to inflate or deflate. There was no doubt, he was dead and there was no going back.

"Now what?" Dustyn thought. He saw no light to go toward, no tunnel filled with loved ones welcoming him with arms wide open, there was nothing, just the essence of who he is hovering over what he was. The young man's spirit surmised that with all of the death in the world this process would be a bit speedier and somewhat better organized. Maybe a stupid sign indicating 'Dead people go this way' or maybe a Beetle...beetle, whatever that movie's name was type of guidebook? Nope, nothing pointed the way to the afterlife. Regardless, the former school teacher was not going to fool himself into believing his destination was to be filled with fat little cherubs and fluffy clouds, anyways.

After several lackluster attempts, Dustyn managed to 'will' himself into motion. He successfully putted around his body once or twice and through sheer accident floated out into the hall. "Can someone hear me? Anyone?" Dustyn called out, his pleas failing to elicit any response from the living as they went about their daily routines. Doctors, nurses, visitors, and patients seemed to be completely ignoring or unable to hear him. "Well, this sucks," he thought to himself. Dustyn turned to travel further down the hospital corridor only stopping as he spotted another shimmering ball of energy spill out into the hall from behind a very active emergency room curtain. He drifted over, observing the hanging green material moving in relation to the efforts of several frantic medical personnel feverishly working to revive the former body of this new sparkling orb.

"Hello," Dustyn said. "I know this is a shot in the dark, but do you have any idea of what we are supposed to do next?"

The newborn spirit sparkled. "Hey pal. I am as new to this dead thing as you evidently are. I would say even newer, looking at that poor doctor down there working her ass off an' all. She still thinks she has a chance to save me." The orb brightened as it yelled, "Kudos to you doc! Thanks for givin' it the old college try. Yep."

The heart monitor began to play its single note requiem for the newly departed as the doctor stepped back from her patient and sighed. "Time of death..."

Dustyn observed an encore performance of his own final few seconds play out below him and returned his attention to his new afterlife friend. "Sorry, for your, ummm...loss? I suppose?" he said softly.

"It's not my loss, it's my family that I am worried about, but what's weird is how I don't really feel that sad...almost relieved." The spirit paused as if to think, "Well, dittos to you, too, on the dying thing, yourself. Hey! I just thoughta somethin', did you go to church?"

"Nope," Dustyn replied.

"Maybe that's it, they prolly hand out them fast passes like they do down at Mouse World. If you don't go, well, you gotta wait in line..."

Dustyn looked at the orb for a second or two. "I suppose?"

"Well, you would think that this dying bit would be a bit more organized than this, you know?" the other spirit stated gruffly.

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing," Dustyn agreed. "My name is...was...is, hell I don't know, name's Dustyn."

"Me? I'm Danny, a truck driver. Eh, was a truck driver. So, how'd you bite it?"

"Um, well..." Dustyn stammered.

"Yeah, I suppose it must be hard to talk about, but I can tell you what happened to me. I was driving my semi down the highway carryin' a load of furniture to Biloxi when this asshole texting on their cellphone slammed into me head on. I could see the little douchebag's face lit by the thing as I slammed on my brakes and he plowed into me!"

"Danny."

"What?"

"I hate to say this, but, I'm the asshole," Dustyn said, cringing as much as any ghost could cringe. He figured he could at least confess to the man he killed, maybe buying himself some good will with whatever higher power was running things. "In fact, I have been waiting for the devil or some demon to come get me. I know I deserve it and I'm sorry for what it's worth."

"Good thing you're already dead an' all or I would kill ya' my damn self, you son of a bitch. I had a wife and kid at home that I ain't never gonna get to see or hug ever again!" The orb radiated a bright sizzling electrical energy as Danny shouted. "In fact, I think you should float off somewhere else far away from me and you know what? I hope they do drag your ass to hell, ya' carpetshaft!"

"Huh? What's a carpetshaft?" Dustyn mumbled, quickly distancing himself from the very angry spirit of Danny, the redneck truck driver. The cursing voice of the man he murdered slowly faded as he drifted down the hospital hall all alone and confused.

"AAAHHH!" another ball of energy flew by screaming, hung a left, and disappeared through a closed observation room door. Dustyn did an about face and followed it, stopping at the entrance to the room. He examined the wooden door pondering the thought of passing through it. A strange notion that suddenly made a lot of sense. "Hell, Casper did it. Patrick Swayze did it, too...or did he?" The spirit supposed it did not matter. He backed away from the obstacle and noted that if he still had eyes, he would have closed them as he charged through it. The activity was rather anti climatic.

"Who...who...who are you? Where am I? Why am I floating?" a nervous female voice asked.

"Hey, I would like to say that it's okay and to try to be calm, but I can't. I hate to tell you miss, but you're dead."

The orb sparkled, "What? No."

"We're both dead," Dustyn said softly to the confused spirit.

"No I am not! I am way too young to be dead." The ghost with a pretty southern drawl said in denial. "I was driving along on this two lane highway singin' with Ariana Grande and this semi got in a head on collision with some asshole who was probably texting and...oh, my god. I'm dead. Oh, no..." The female spirit's voice trailed off. She began whispering psychotically. "I'm dead. Oh, my God, I'm dead. What's my mom gonna do? My dog..."

This time Dustyn kept his mouth shut regarding his involvement in the accident, because, there was one thing he now knew for sure, it looked like his new name in the afterlife was going to be 'asshole'. Just like that, he was back to thinking about how much he was not looking forward to spending eternity in hell and having prison sex with fiery pitchforks. He nervously peeked out into the hall as he spotted another spirit meander by mumbling to itself. "Whew! Okay, Dustyn. Still no demons..."

"What did you say? Demons? Where? I went to church every Sunday, buster, I haven't had sex. Oh no. No, no, no. I died a virgin. Dammit! I didn't even...unless you count touchin' Duncan's..."

"TMI. I don't need to hear..." Dustyn interjected.

"Anywhooo, I don't even think that counts. So, this might not be so bad after all. Hey, do you think that I might get something extra in heaven 'cause I was a virgin? I bet you I do!" The strange female ghost said giddily.

"How am I supposed to know? I don't even know if there is a heaven."

"How can you say that you don't know if there's a heaven? Okay, smarty pants...then if there is no heaven, why is that angel standing behind you an' all?"

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