Chapter 1

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"Get up fat ass". I heard Christine say pouring cold water on my face, followed by a 'thud' from her dropping the large tin pot on my forehead. I coughed and chocked from the sudden shock and tumbled out of bed.


Christine, my foster mother, hated me. She hated everything about me. She made me feel like shit every chance she got. She called me fat, ugly, worthless, stinky, and no body was every going to want me and I would never be shit I'm life but a fat ass bitch. I wasn't gone be good for nothing. I believed her. I did, and I still do.


Time to time, I question myself about my birth mother. I've never seen her, I was given up when I was a baby. I dream about her coming to save me from Christine crazy ass. Hopefully she'll come and love me just for who I am. Fat and all.


I opened my rusted closet door, and searched through my clothes, even though it wasn't much to choose from. I had 4 pairs of jeans and 3 shirts. Christine don't buy me shit. I love off these same ass clothes. I picked out a pair of jeans and a shirt and took them into the bathroom.


I tried turning the nob on the shower, but I hurt the pipes screech indicated that the water had been cut off. I sighed. 'Shit' I thought to myself.


"Christine"! I yelled out in our small apartment. "What the fuck yo fat ass want"? She hollered back. I swallowed the comment and answered her. "The water been cut off". I said.


"The fuck"? She said. She raced into my room and turned the nob rapidly. "Dammit". She said in anger. She looked at me with tight lips. I frowned my face at her and she pushed me hard into the bathtub.

I looked up at her hovering over my body. She pointed her finger in my face. "It's all your damn fault". My breathing increased from anger and I turned my face from her. She smacked my face hard and turned me back towards her.

"It's all your damn fault, fat bitch! Don't turn away from me when I'm talking to you". She yelled in my face.

I tightness my jaws and tried releasing my anger. She screamed and hollered until she was satisfied. She left the bathroom and I changed into some clothes.

I looked at my body in the mirror and imagined myself skinny. I was going to be skinny one day. One day, I'm gone get married and find love, somebody gone love me. I'm gone get away from the projects and live happy.

I'm Janelle, I'm 17 in the 10th grade, uneducated, fat, and not worth shit, at least that's how Christine describes me. What she says is what I see. A fat ass girl, who ain't loved by nobody. I'm brown skin, chubby body and medium length hair.

I would smell good and keep my self clean, but I have no way to, the water always out and Christine blame me for the shit. I don't know why she just does.

Christine is about 5'6 stout, an ugly dark skin woman who smokes cigarets 'till her lungs get heavy. She sits in the house all day waiting for a check, scratching numbers. Hopeless peace of shit, is what I call her behind her back.

I put on my coat and headed down the hall way, and headed towards the door. Christine looked at me disgusted as I left. I didn't make eye contact, but I could feel her stares. I welcomed myself to the cool Chicago winds and walked to my destination.


School. A place where I was treated worse.

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