Lonely Too

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Cynthia was sitting at the table together with her five year old son Julian.

She watched him lovingly while he was making a nice drawing.

"Better put your shoes on cause daddy's coming to pick you up any minute now baby" Cynthia told the young boy making him look up to her with big sad eyes.

"I don't wanna go with daddy..." Julian said softly and laid his little hand on his mom's arm "I don't want to leave you alone mommy..."

"It's okay Julian..." she smiled at him lying her hand on her son's and gave it an ensuring squeeze "...mommy will be fine..."

"But you will be sad again..." Julian pouted.

Just when Cynthia wanted to answer her son the doorbell rang followed by the sound of someone opening the door with a key.

The living room door opened and in came her ex-husband John. He seemed to look even paler and thinner than before. His hair was long and looking rather fuzzy and Cynthia really hated this scruffy look on him.

"Hi Cyn" John greeted her and Cynthia stood up to go over to him and greet him.

She stopped in her tracks when that dreadful woman appeared behind John.

"Eej Jules!" John greeted his son and walked over to the table taking that Japanese woman with him by the hand.

"Hullo..." Julian mumbled not even looking up from his drawing.

"Say hello to your daddy" the Japanese woman softly said. Her voice was almost like a whisper. A whisper that gave Cynthia chills down her spine.

"Hello to you too Yoko" Cynthia sarcastically said and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Yoko looked over to her direction for a moment, but because of her wearing those ridiculous big dark sunglasses and her long dark hair hiding most of her face, Cynthia couldn't tell if she was looking at her or not.

"Let's go daddy..." Yoko then said and whispered something in John's ear followed by a giggle.

"Yes mother..." John grinned and looked over his shoulder to Cynthia letting out a chuckle.

Cynthia's stomach dropped and it really hurt her, but she didn't let it show.

"Come 'ead Jules" John stated and dragged his son from the table "Time to go"

After some protest Julian put his shoes and coat on. He quickly ran over to his mother and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Bye mommy..." he said hugging her tight and looked up to her "...don't be sad...I'll be back real soon..."

Cynthia stroke her fingers through her son's soft hair.

"I won't be sad sweetheart. You go and have fun with daddy and I'll see you soon" she said looking down on him with a sweet smile.

"Promise?" Julian asked her with worried eyes.

"Promise" she answered cupping his face and stroking his cheek with her thumb.

Julian then walked out of the living room and Cynthia felt empty inside immediately.

She sat down at the dining table and glanced at the drawing while her vision slowly became blurry because of the tears burning inside of her eyes.

"Cyn?" she suddenly heard and looked up while she quickly wiped her tears away.

She now saw John standing in the doorway looking at her.

"John?" she asked softly.

"How have you been?" John asked still looking at her but not moving an inch.

"Great John..." she answered "Just great"

"Oh. Okay. Just wondering if you are okay...Bye then" John nodded at her and left her alone again.

Cynthia watched through the window how they walked over to John's car and how Julian waved at her one more time.

She waved back and then saw her son step into the car and how they drove away.

Cynthia laid her hand over her mouth to muffle her sob escaping her throat.

How could John ask her how she has been? He should know well the shape she's in...

Saying that he wondered if she was okay... that was a damn fool thing to say. Cause how could she be okay? He left her for that Japanese woman just like that. Like she never meant a thing to him.

But now thinking back about her relationship with John it was always like he was always standing on the other side of the water that was too wide and seemed to be rising the whole time.

After John had broken up with her, she had been awake before dawn so many times and lying alone in her bed for hours wondering what went wrong.

Should she have said something to put him at ease? Should she have fallen down on her knees for him to beg him to stay with her and Julian?

It wouldn't have made a difference at all. His love for her was gone.

She decided to take a walk outside to take her mind of things for a while.

While walking in the park she felt even lonelier and empty inside. Seeing the other couples walking hand in hand, sitting cosy on the park benches or walking with their kids was like someone hit her in her guts. Behind her sunglasses tears formed in her eyes and a few rolled down her cheeks.

She walked back home to hide herself from the world again inside the safe walls of her home.

After taking of her shoes and coat she made herself a nice cup of tea and picked some chocolates from her cupboard.

She put it down on the table and walked over to the phone first, feeling that she really wanted to talk to someone. Just a friendly voice to sooth her.

The first number she tried was Paul's. He was always a steady rock in Julian's and her life.

Paul had told her to call him whenever she needed a friend and so now she was listening to the dial tone on the other side of the line.

After she let the phone ring for about twenty times she knew that Paul probably wasn't at home.

She tried some other friends, but also no reply. Why was it always that when you really need someone, no one's there...

Cynthia felt even more lost and lonely now and even the chocolate couldn't cheer her up.

She decided to go to her bed to try to sleep. Even though it was at the middle of the day. Sleep was a way for her to escape this empty feeling inside for a moment.

She laid down on her bed and just couldn't help it anymore. She started to cry softly till she finally fell asleep.

Cynthia woke up by the sound of footsteps and before she could open her eyes the feeling of two little arms wrapped around her neck were to be felt.

"Mommy...you promised..." Julian sadly said holding his mother tight.

"Sorry sweetheart...mommy was only a little sad..." Cynthia softly answered while slowly sat up in the bed. She hugged her son back feeling a little better already.

When she looked up she saw John walking over to her and sitting down on the bed next to them.

"Why are you so sad?" John asked her a little surprised.

"Nothing for you to worry about..." Cynthia said glaring at him with sad eyes.

"I better get going then" John said standing back up from the bed "Yoko is waiting for me"

"Sure...bye John" Cynthia nodded at him and kissed the top of Julian's head who was still in her arms.

Watching John leaving the bedroom she rested her cheek on top of her son's head thinking about John's question. He seemed so surprised that she's feeling this way...

But... if he ever loved her the way she loved him, he would be lonely too...

A/N This story is dedicated to my sweet and beautiful friend EmanAlMannaie ❤❤

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