Far Too Young To Die {Book One}

Chapter 5

I couldn't help but to stare after Ryan in awe. Did he really just do that? My brother who wouldn't hurt a fly, seriously punched Brendon in the face? This was so unreal.

"You okay?" I ask Brendon.

"Uh...yeah." He replies. His face starting to go a little purple and swollen from the impact. Giving him a small smile, I stood up from my position on the couch.

I needed to find Ryan.  And next thing I knew, I had walked out the door and started running down every hall that was backstage. "Ryan!" I scream out his name, trying to find him. Where the hell did he go? "Ryan!" I scream some more, but I still don't get an answer. What to do. What to do.

After a few minutes I find myself going back to the dressing room and only Spencer and Brendon were there. Brendon is hugging his knees still in shock that Ryan could muster enough feeling to punch him. Honestly, I feel like I'd be in the same position.

"Where'd Jon go?" He was here before I left to find Ryan.

"He's leaving the band too. He told Brendon that he deserved being hit for what he's done and how he's changed." Spencer explains. This didn't make any sense. He changed? He didn't change, what the hell is Jon talking about? This whole thing was confusing me.

"What? Brendon hasn't changed." I look at Spencer in disbelief. Did he really just say that? Did Jon really say that?

"I don't think he has either. But according to them, he has. And they don't want to deal with him anymore." Spencer looks down at Brendon, who was rocking back and forth slightly, and squeezed his shoulder to reassure him. "We basically told each other off and then he left. There's nothing I can do about it now." I see a tear roll down Spencer's cheek. It must be hard for him to loose two of his best friends. It must be really tough on them. But I'm Ryan's sister and I've got to support him. I don't know what to do.

"Do you guys hate me? You know...because I'm Ryan's si-" I get cut off by Brendon actually speaking up this time.

"No. We don't hate you. Well, I don't anyways. I can't blame you or Ryan for what he did. He did what a normal older brother would do. I'd do the same thing if someone I knew wasn't supposed to kiss or touch my sister. Whether we were friends or not. I'm in the wrong Hannah. There's no need for you to apologize. Not for anything. It was my fault. All my fault." He buries his face into his knees, probably hiding the fact that he was crying. Or at least beginning to to cry. And it broke my heart.

"I don't hate you either." Spencer says. "But the fact of you hanging out with us, may upset your brother." I really didn't think about that part. I'm sure that Ryan will hate that idea of me being around them. But they were my friends too. I basically grew up with Brendon and then I met Spencer through Ryan when we were teenagers. They were some of my closest friends; next to Kat that is. I can't deal with the thought of loosing my friends.

"I'm gonna go try to look for Ryan again." I walk back out to try to avoid the awkwardness forming between all of us. It was just too much to handle at the moment. Trying not to think about the problem at hand, I ran off back down the hall to find my brother. We all really needed to get onto the bus and sort this shit out.

I turn a corner for probably about the fourth time in a row. These halls seems endless and confusing. And most of these rooms had no point. Like what the hell is the point to all of this? It was really starting to get on my nerves. But the sound of sniffling caught my attention. Finally.

"Ryan?" I wait there for a second making sure that he doesn't run off again, and then start to slowly walk up to him. "Ryan. You alright?"

He mumbled into his knees something that sounded like the word 'No.' He finally looked up at me. "Hannah.. I..I fucked up."

"Ryan, what are you talking about? How'd you fuck up?" I sit down next to him, and I wrap my arm around him in a hug. I hated seeing him like this.

"Now..He'll hate me forever. I didn't mean to." He looks up at me. His face was stained pink and his eye were swollen. "I really didn't." All I saw was hurt flash across his eyes. A true sympathetic look.

"Ryan, I'm sure that he doesn't hate you. It'll be alright." I try to stay strong for him, even though I'm dying inside. This is killing me just as much as it is him. I still couldn't make much sense of this. What powered over Ryan enough to hit Brendon? Why is their friendship so fucked up now, when just a few months ago, they were all laughing and making jokes and just having a great time?

We sit there for awhile, as Ryan cried his eyes out. I didn't exactly know what to do or say that would make him feel any better. So I kept quite.

But soon there was the sound of talking down the hallway that scared Ryan from of crying, and he froze in his place. It had sounded like Brendon and Spencer.

"Maybe... Just maybe it's over Spence....I don't know if we can contin-" Brendon froze when he came around the corner and saw us sitting there. I can see pure fear in both Brendon and Ryan's eyes. It seems like they don't know who's going to hit who. If they were to get into a fight anyways, not like they would. Or at least I hoped they wouldn't. "Uhm. Hey." I could see Brendon shift his eyes in every direction as he tried to make conversation but not wanting to look at Ryan.

"Hey." Ryan whispered and looked down ashamed to even look at his friend. Are they even considered friends anymore?

"Uh..Brendon and I," Spencer interrupted the silence between us all. "We were looking for you because we need to get back on the tour bus. Our last show is tomorrow night." I nudge Ryan in the arm and he nods his head getting up, getting the message. I stand up too and we walk out in silence with Brendon on the far left, and Ryan on the far right.

We soon get to the bus and of course, Jon is no where to be found. Where is he? Brendon becomes frantic and Spencer tries to calm him down.

"Where the hell did he go?! We need our bassist!" Brendon screams and grabbing the nearest thing to him, which he ended up throwing a book across the room. He then had a dizzy look in his eyes and collapsed. Spencer reacted quickly and caught him, carefully bringing him over to the couch. All of this was getting a little out of hand.

~~~ 

It's been about an hour and Jon hasn't shown up yet. I don't think he ever will either. Brendon is now awake and is hugging his knees with his back against the couch. Spencer is trying to calm him down. And Ryan is sitting at the table trying to avoid Brendon gaze at any and all costs.

"Why can't we find a new bassist?" I made a conversation starter and hopefully it'll work. "What about your friend Dallon? He knows bass right?"

"Because even if we did, they wouldn't learn all the songs in time and there's only one show left, so there wouldn't really be a point anyway. And Dallon wouldn't be able to meet all of us in time." Spencer turns to look at me. "I'm sorry Hannah. But we might have to end the tour early."

"I can somewhat play bass! Why can't I do it?" I ask. Spencer looks up at me with sad eyes. "I know how to play most of the songs too!"

"Hannah, it's not that easy." He replies.

"Well why not?" My arms cross over my chest in a childish manner.

Ryan then chimes in. "Because everyone will be expecting Jon."

"So?" I turn to Ryan. "We could just say that he got extremely sick and had to stay on the bus. Just say he wouldn't be able to perform. I don't see why this would be a big deal."

"She's got a point, Spence." Ryan turns to Spencer. He sighs and nodded. Ryan then turns towards me again. "If Jon isn't here within half an hour, you're our new bassist for the night."

What did I even get myself into? Yes I had taught myself a few songs on Ryan's old bass, and maybe even a few Panic! songs. But was I really ready to perform those songs in front of hundreds of people? What if I freeze? What if I mess it all up and it doesn't sound good?