To The Boy Who Broke My Heart... (Diary of a Heartbroken Girl)

12/27/2011

You know what sucks? Well it sucks for you.

I'm feeling great! Yeah, I still think about you like all day, every day, but I'm actually happy.

I don't know if Christmas had anything to do with it or what. But I feel great.

Right now I'm cuddling with my zebra pillow pet, listening to the new music I got.

I wonder what you're doing.. Are you doing something with her? Sitting in your room alone? Hanging out with your brother or your friends?

I wonder if you ever think of me. If you've ever layed awake at night, thinking of my eyes, my smile, my touch. If you've ever found yourself smilling randomly because you were thinking about something I said weeks before. If you've ever sat and stared at your phone, waiting for my name to pop up with a new text. If you've ever seen a picture of me or heard someone say my name and gotten butterflies that just won't go away. If you've ever caught yourself day dreaming about being with me.

All of that happens to me on a daily basis. It might seem kind of obsessive but I can't help it.

So I hope that you're happy. I guess that's all I really want for you. I wish you'd be happy with me but sometimes things just don't work.

Maybe some day something will happen.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

Everyone always says that. It was so hard for me to let you go. But I'm thinking I'm finally on my way there. It's going to be a new year soon, a good time for new beginnings. I know that I'll never get over you but that's ok. I have great memories with you.

If you decide to break up with her for good, then maybe we can talk. But I can't stand it if you're just going to keep playing with me when you have her. I've deleted your number from my phone so I won't know who it is when you text, which means I won't text back. Sorry, but it's for the best.

And of course, this means this diary is on hold for now. I'll probably write more in it after my next heart break but I hope that won't be for a while. I'm taking time off of boys to focus on more important things.

I'll always love you and I still miss you. But I just want you to know, I'm finally letting go.

Goodbye.

Kati xxx