They say life is a bitch, but in my case, it has been a mixture of a bitch and hell. Young and dumb, I followed everything that I desired but it gave me nothing but shame. It destroyed me and I strived hard to get over it.
And then he came. His name screamed trouble. I tried to stay away but he somewhat found a way to invade me. Despite the fact that my own desries could destroy me, I gave in. The happiness, the pleasures he gave were nothing but perfection. Too good to be true.
But everything has its end. Everything suddenly messed up, everything I worked hard for went into a new direction. I thought we could work it out, but how can it work out if it’s doomed from the start?
What will happen if my new life clashed with my past life?
I sighed as I recall all the memories; the perfect pleasures. I felt a familiar feeling in my heart. I'm not supposed to feel this way.
I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of running. I'm tired of hurting. Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be with someone else or just meant to be alone.
I don't know.. I don't know anything anymore. What am I supposed to do now?
I just got hom from a short jog when my home phone rang. I immediately went upstairs in my room to check who the caller was.
Upon seeing her name, agad kong pinindot ang answer at loudspeaker .
“Ma?” I greeted, still panting.
“Kakauwi mo lang ba, Maxine?”
I managed to put a smile on my face when she asked me that. “Yup.”
“Ikaw talaga. It’s your rest day, you should still be sleeping.” Aniya.
“Mama, free day ko nga ngayon edi I took the opportunity na na makapagexercise. I haven’t had one yesterday, you know. Busy sa wedding boutique mo.” I said as I sat on the bed.
“Oh? Tell me more.”
“Well, there’s this newly engaged couple that inquired yesterday. Buti na lang ate and me are there. And then ayun, they decided to work with us. Apparently, the wedding will be next month! That’s why we’re rushing things. So, we worked late last night. But ate got most of the work. I only have to do the invitations and tokens, anyway. We’re all exhausted that’s why me and Ate Jen decided to close the main branch today.” I explained.
“Good, para makarelax kayo ng ate mo. Nasan ba sya?”
“Oh, umuwi sa boyfriend nya.” Bungisngis kong sabi.
“Ate mo talaga.” Natatawang sabi ni mama. "Oo nga pala, we booked you a flight already at next week na iyon pero hindi pa namin nababayaran dahil heto nga, inaalam pa namin kung okay lang ba sayo yun, anak. Ano sa tingin mo?" Dagdag nya. “Or maybe you want to delay it for a while since you have a new wedding to fix?”
Ilang buwan ko na rin ito pinagisipan. Higit dalawang buwan na natapos ang homeschool ko at okay na ako para sa college. Parang biglaan nga daw naman ako magdecide na bumalik dahil sa mismong huling araw ng homeschooling ko ay tinawagan ko sila para sa desisyon ko. I was a bit hesitant at first pero hindi naman habang buhay na magtatago ako sa mga bagay bagay. Hindi yun pwede.
"Oo, ma. Next week's fine with me. Pakiscan na lang yung ticket at i-email nyo sakin." Pagsang-ayon ko. “And no worries, I’ll make sure I’ll finish my part before leaving ate. I can’t just run from her, she’ll give me endless phone calls again.” I rolled my eyes upon saying that. She could really blow-up my phone when she’s pissed, I swear! Anyways, that ate I am refering to is yung scholar ni mama sa pinas na ngayon ay nagmamanage sa business dito.
"Sigurado ka na ba? Walang pumupwersa sayo na bumalik dito, Maxine. In fact, napagusapan nga namin ng papa mo na dyan ka na lang mag-aral. Mas maganda at mas maayos pa. Tapos ay mababantayan mo pa si Jemimah."
"Mama, I can't hide forever dahil forever din ako hahauntingin ng nakaraan. I have to face it somehow.” I sounded sure.. but truth is, I am not.
“Alright, basta kahit ano mangyari, we will always be here.” And what mom said made me smile. My family is all I have but then, it’s more than enough.
AN: The story that you will be reading right now is the revised version and NOT THE BOOK VERSION. Yung book version po ay may mga bago. Hope y'all grab a copy! :)