Chapter 35 : Guilt

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"Maybe there's more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."
― Veronica Roth, Divergent
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Celestina's P.O.V :

The warriors are training day and night at the pack-ground like the Knights preparing for the final battle, wolves sparing each other, the warriors in human forms perfecting there combat skills and weapon skills. The Alpha's from all the lands have come for our aid taking their warriors with them showings their allegiance to us, everyone wanting to end this rogue congregation once and for all. All of us were suffering because of them, we have lost our families and fellow pack members now that we have a chance everyone is pitching in to have their share of revenge.

But none of these calmed the raging mother wolf in me, this chaos and preparation are not filling my empty hands and hollow heart they can be filled only when I have my child back in my arms. The heartbreaking howl erupted from my husband still haunts me day and night,  ingraining the truth deep into our lives.

I ran my fingers through the fur of Rose's wolf toy as I sat on the recliner in Rose's nursery where I used to cuddle with her while I rock her to sleep. My arms feel so empty now without my child, her favorite toy is not enough to fill that void. It is been two weeks since that void is created since my child is kidnapped. Each waking moment of my life is filled with thoughts of her now, if she is getting good care, feed and cleaned well whether my child is feeling lonely, she is sleeping properly, treated properly. Sometimes I even wonder whether her birth mother felt all these anxieties when Rose was with us? Sometimes I fear that my baby will forget me and sometimes I hope that my child is happy with her birth mother and that she will learn to love her too because even the wildest of the creatures love their offspring.

Dimitri and I haven't talked after that incident, the guilt of losing our child is eating me up if I haven't fainted that time none of this wouldn't have happened. I can't even face my husband after this tragedy I created for him, I can't even share the important news that I was supposed to tell me. It was supposed to bring us joy and should be acknowledged with happiness and joy by both the father and the daughter.

I was startled by the loud noise of door hitting the wall, it took me a while to register that it is my door that is open now and I am under the disapproving gaze of soul-brother.

"It stings in here, you can at least keep the windows open", Jace shook his head in disapproval as he walked close to me, "how long are you gonna sit here daydreaming?"

"Go away Jace, leave me alone.",I said looking away from him.

"Nope, not happening. My orders are to drag you out of the room to the bathroom and drop you into the wash tub because no one can even come to this floor because of the foul smell from this room when is the last time you showered?"

I did not bother to answer him I closed my eyes ignoring his hoping he will go away, I heard his sigh and shuffle around the room then there is the sound of a chair being dragged and dropped near me.

"I am gonna sit here till you are ready to pay attention to me and get out of this room, I am in no hurry. I am not on patrol duties tonight anyway", he said trying to get comfortable in the chair.

"Please let me be here Jace, I could feel more close to her when I am here.", I pleaded with him and saw his eyes soften a little.

"You do know, this is not going to bring her back right? All of us want her back Tina, that is what we are all working on but you closing down like this is not helping. When was the last time you talked to Dmitri or even let him see you? He thinks he lets you down by losing the child. What about Bella? She is pregnant Tina, and she is guilt tripping herself for leaving Rose with Susan which is not good for her baby. And I feel guilty for not paying attention to my surroundings, we all feel the guilt Tina but shutting everyone down will not help us in this situation. The pack needs it's Luna now and the Alpha needs his mate, he is taking down all the frustration on to the trainees he is pushing us to our limits. Come out Luna, we need you." With that being said, he stood us and after giving a gentle squeeze on my shoulder walked out of the room leaving the door wide open.

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