I was an absolute mess. Emily. Mom. Dad. Christian. Dead. I should be dead.
I wish I were, I thought. I sat sobbing on the curbside of the accident scene. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I whirled around. I saw Rob. I was too depressed and in shock to even be excited. I hadn't seen him in two months.
"It'll be ok," he said, crouching down and touching my arm reassuringly.
"NO IT WON'T!" I screamed, jerking away. "I'M BROKEN AND HURT! MY WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY IS DEAD ROB!"
Most people would flinch, but he just wrapped me in a loving embrace.
"It'll be ok," he whispered. "I promise, nothing can hurt you."
"Nothing? Nothing can hurt me? It's too late," I sobbed. "I'm already hurt."
I put my head on his chest and started to sob uncontrollably.
"Alex, it's gonna be ok," he said softly.
"NO IT'S NOT!" I screamed. "I HAVE NO ONE LEFT! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE, AND YOU'RE IN ARIZONA FOR FUCK'S SAKE! IT'S NOT GONNA BE OK!"
"Alex, I can move back," he said earnestly.
"No," I sobbed. "I already took away Emily's future and Christian's future. Not yours too."
"Alex, lets go back to the apartment. You need to calm down."
I went along and sobbed the whole way home. My clothes were soaking wet and I was freezing. We drove home in silence, accompanied with my uncontrollable bawling. We pulled up to the apartment building, and Rob carried me in bridal style.
I sat on the couch and started to cry even harder.
"Do you want something?" Rob asked softly. "Food?"
I shrugged and continued crying.
"Alright. I'll go to CVS. I'll be back in about twenty minutes, ok? Call me if you need anything. I'll be back soon."
He left, kissing my forehead. I watched him walk out the door, and that's when my crazy kicked in.
I frantically went onto SouthwestAirlines.com. I found the cheapest flight I could, $50. I needed to get away. From here. From my life. From everything. I bought the ticket. To some place called Bradford. I had no idea where it was, but I knew that it was in England, and that was good enough for me.
My face was puffy and red. I locked my apartment door. No one was coming in. I frantically went up the small spiral staircase and into my room. I threw everything I owned in an open suitcase on my bed. I grabbed paper.
'I'm fine, I promise. Don't come looking for me. I'm somewhere where I can never be hurt again.
I dragged my suitcase filled with all my clothes down the stairs, and put the was of cash into my pocket. I made sure I had my lyric book, but I didn't take my guitar. I slipped the note on my coffee table, where Rob was sure to see it. I gathered everything I needed and headed out the door.