Chapter 45

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We all break. And then some pieces are never found back. The same way, a piece of dad has broken and gotten lost. He looks adrift, tired and shattered. My parents were always madly in love and I know that because they never ceased to express their love for each other. All through my childhood, I saw love and adoration in both my parents eyes for each other. And now that they have to depart, its breaking them. 

Dad looks like he has lost all hopes for living. As if the only reason he would want to be alive now would be for me. His face has lost color and his eyes have lost the twinkle just like my mother. The two most important people in my life are crippling through the worst and I'm helpless. Totally and utterly helpless. And I hate to agree but dad has become distant just like he had when the accident had happened.

The two days pass in a blur. All I remember is mom and her face and tight smile and her tears. I cried every time I looked at her. I cried every time I remembered that she will leave us. The doctors said that she should be taken back to Orlando if these are her final days and there is nothing much they can do if the patient has no will to live. I leave with Xavier on Sunday afternoon as dad needs time to make arrangements of bringing mom back. It shattered my heart to see the light in dad's eyes go dull. He madly loves my mother and I can't even imagine the pain he must be feeling. To loose the love of your life, its beyond what a human heart can handle.

As the taxi driver halts in front of my driveway, I feel sadness and loneliness engulf me yet again. I clutch my jacket tighter around me as the night is cold and exit the cab, taking my bag. I turn to Xavier who pays the driver and then walks around to me.

"Good night Sam. You are tired. You did not sleep he entire last night so please take rest tonight. Okay? Please, for me." He cups my face and explains me concerned. I just nod absentmindedly because in reality I dread going back in the house. Things were different before. There was hope that mom might return one day but now, all hope is lost.

"Sam?" I hear Xavier call me again and I snap my head to him.

"Yeah, yeah I'll sleep tonight. I'll see you tomorrow." I say and turn to walk to my house. I suddenly turn back and call out to Xavier,

"Xavier," I say and Xavier turns to face me. "I know you didn't sleep last night either. Please sleep too." I say. Though I appreciate his help and I'm concerned for him, my voice stays monotone. He looks surprised a bit at first and then nods. I give him a small smile and then walk into my house. 

As I step inside I feel weird and even more sad. I take a deep breath and usher to my room. I change, freshen up and then retire to bed. I completed my school work on Friday so I don't have to bother about that. I drape my blanket tightly around me and try to eradicate all the disturbing thoughts. I am exhausted and maybe that is why sleep comes early. Somewhere in my sleep, I feel a hand caress my hair and a drop of water falls on my cheek. The same hand quickly wipes it away and kisses my forehead, cupping my face. With a sigh, I feel someone leave my room from the window. This action, even in my sleepy state makes me know that Xavier was here. And before I can stop him to stay the night, sleep takes over and I loose my energy to call him back.

The next two- three days at school go by agonizingly slow. Bella, Carly, Jacob and Alec console me and honestly as much as I appreciate their efforts, it only makes me cringe every time they look at me with pity and sadness. Its like a constant reminder that my mother may leave me any hour now. I focus on my studies, trying to do things that aren't even necessary. I study and study not letting any other thoughts cross my mind. Xavier somehow magically seems to understand my endeavour and doesn't try to make me do other things.

Right now I am sitting on the front steps on my school's entrance , my head resting on Xavier's shoulder. His phone beeps and he opens it to check the message.

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