Anjali’s POV

The thing is even after you find out something bad you’ve been feeling for a while is an untruth you can’t let go of those negative feelings.  I sat on the bed with my knees pulled up to my chest with my arms wrapped around me.  Only six inches away, Alex sat on the bed with his elbows resting on his thighs and his head in his hands.

We were both so wrong about each other.  But the thing is you can’t just erase the last year of doubt.  The feeling of loneliness, the heartache, the doubt, the insecurity that burdened me for a year wasn’t going to just disappear in minutes.  It’s a burden I had carried around for the better part of the year; it had become a part of me.

I could feel that Alex felt the same way.  We sat next to each other but the burden of the last year weighed on both of us.  It was like a heavy weight hung in the air between us.  How do you forget the bitterness you’ve carried around for so long that it’s become a part of you.  It didn’t matter that I hadn’t been completely right.  But, I hadn’t been completely wrong either.  I was wrong that Alex was cheating on me, but I was right he was avoiding me.

We sat in silence brooding in our own sadness for several minutes.  

I unwrapped my arms and tugged Alex’ left hand from out from under his head.  I grabbed his hand and quickly intertwined my fingers in his before I changed my mind and let the sadness take over again.  With his hand missing for support, he turned his head towards me. 

His eyes were red and teary.  He looked tired and older and more than anything else vulnerable.  So unlike the Alex that had just been chatting downstairs in the bar.  The man who did deals for a living.  The man who in a suit looked so sharp and handsome.  The man who could be so charming when he wanted something.  No this was the other side of Alex, the unpolished side.  The side he wanted to be able to share with me without shame.  This was the whole package.

I pulled him into my arms and we cried into each other.  It was raw, unhinged, and nothing was perfect about it.  We fell asleep in each other’s arms, holding each other.  We didn’t have sex.  For tonight we just needed to hold each other.

Alex and I woke up to a phone ringing.  Alex answered his phone.

“Hello, this is Alex.”

“Hi dad.  Yes, I’m with Anjali.  I’m sorry we didn’t call you last night.  It got late by the time I found Anjali.  Are the kids okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine.  Sure you can talk to her.”  Alex gave me a small smile and handed me the phone.  “He wants to talk to his daughter.”

I took the phone.  “Hi Baba.  I’m really sorry I ran off and I haven’t called you.  I didn’t mean to worry you and Ama.  Are you okay with the kids? They’re not giving you a hard time are they?” I called Alex’ parents Ama and Baba the Urdu words for mom and dad.  I liked those words and plus it was different than what I called my own parents, but it still conveyed my love for them and how I really did feel like they were a second set of parents.

“Okay… Uh huh….  Sure….  No problem….  I understand. “

“Baba, can you take care of the kids until Wednesday? We have the room until then.  You can have Arjun and Kavita help you, they’re on call to help out with the kids.   Thanks Baba.”

I saw disbelief in Alex’ eyes, “You don’t want to go home?”

“No, I don’t want to go home.  I want to stay here for the weekend and then go on the boat if the offer is still open.”

I watched Alex get off the bed and get on his knees in front of me and put his head in my lap.

“Have I lost you, Alex?”

He lifts his head to look at me, “If you leave me Anjali, I’ll be the lost one.  You’re my jaan, my life.  Without you I’m lost.”

I cry for the hundredth time in the last 24 hours.  “I’ve been so scared this year that I was going to lose you.  I don’t want to lose you.  But, I’m not the type of person that wants to scream and yell at you.  I don’t think I can do that.  That’s not my style.  Please don’t mistake my silence for indifference or even acceptance.”

“I know that Anjali, but you know it’s okay to call me an ass sometimes when I’m acting out of line.”

“Okay, Alex, you’re an ass!”

Alex nodded his head with a small smile, “I got that memo already, I mean for the next time.”

“Okay next time I’ll call you an ass sooner.”

“So you’re not leaving me?” Alex asked still seeking confirmation.

I nodded no.

“Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had met you first before I met Christina.  What if we had started our lives together?  If she had never been in my life, maybe I wouldn’t be so cynical.”

“Maybe.  Or maybe if we’d met first you wouldn’t have been interested in me.  Maybe we had to go through our own respective heartaches with others to appreciate each other.”

“I knew after the first night you spent with me that I had dodged a bullet with Christina.  Although, she did change me, and not for the better, it was only then that I understood that Christina had never been the right person for me and I was glad it didn’t work out with her.”

“And what about now? Alex I don’t think I can handle it if you do this again.”

“I promise I won’t go this long without talking to you.  I don’t want to lose you.  Ever.”

Those were the words I’d been waiting to hear for a year.  I put my hand on his heart and then he kissed me.  It was a start.


Love this romantic song Mar Jayian.  Translation is thanks to Bollymeaning!

Mar Jayian (Vicky Donor): Lyrics, Translation

Movie: Vicky Donor
Music: Abhishek-Akshay
Lyrics: Swanand Kirkire
Singers: Vishal Dadlani, Sunidhi Chauhan

Lamhe vele lamhe, vele pal yeh
Idhar udhar tehal rahe
Sehme sehme dil bhi
Keh rahe hai, bina tere
Mar jayian, tere bin mar jayian
Mar jayian, tere bin mar jayian re

Spare moments, spare moments
are walking here and there
Nervous hearts
are saying that without you
I will die, I will die
I will die, I will die

Dil mein koi rug yun
Dhadakti hai, ki jaise bijli si daude
Saansein, teri saansein
Jagaati hai bina tere
Mar jayian, tere bin mar jayian
Mar jayian, tere bin mar jayian re

Any vein in my heart
beats in a way, as if it is a current
Your breathes
wake me up, without you
I will die, I will die
I will die, I will die

Girhon ko suljhaao, tere bin kya jeena
Bata mujhe bata mujhe
Girhon ko suljhaao, tere bin kya jeena
Aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa
Aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa, aa bhi jaa

disentangle the knots, what is living without you
tell me, tell me
disentangle the knots, what is living without you
come here, come here, come here
come here, come here, come here

Lamhe vele lamhe, vele pal yeh...

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