Not An Update

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Heyy!! well its been a long long long fucking time since Ive posted an update. well obiously this is not an update😂😂 Lol just wanna say Thank You so much! for reading my book. I know youve heard this "Thank You" line a fuckin hundred times but hell who caresss! its been a long time ever since ive poured all of my emotions in this book. i know there are so many depression, suicidal, grunge or whatever book thats related to self harm has been published in wattpad. Many authors who tried to express their unspoken feelings. And Im one of them. All of these quotes, poems that youve read not only in my book is not just a random quotes. Its all made by hundreds of mixed feelings, broken pieces, tears, bloods, broken promises and so on. I know its not easy. Its not fucking easy to wake up alone thinking how did it all end up here. It is so hard to be happy. it is hard to fake a smile.it is hard to pretend everythings okay. it is fucking hard to be alone in your darkest moments. it is fucking hard that you dont have somebody to lean on, cry on, express your feelings. I know how it feels when our parents blame us for everything. for comparing us to others. to let us feel like we're worthless. not good enough. It hurts when they say Im not trying my best, it hurts when they say im not doing my best, it fucking hurts to know they cant see i already did my best. I fucking did. I know how it hurts to cry yourself to sleep. to cover your mouth so that they'll not hear you crying and sniffing. to see yourself at the mirror with tired puffy red eyes. Thinking if i am worth saving? thinking if am i going to fight and stand again? thinking if what will i do? thinking if only im perfect? thinking if they only appreciate me and love me with all of my flaws will not going to end up like this?.. Im also tired. Im tired to wake up. tired of being used. tired of being alone. tired of pretending. I even met a guy whos into bands too like me. like im really happy to death that ive met him. i gave him all. like all of what ive got. i gave to him my heart, my time, my efforts and even my soul. I fucking did. I even break down my walls just for him to see me through but guess what? When hes already inside. he changed. yes he changed. like no more midnight calls. no more goodmorning and goodnight messages. like hes slowly changing to someone i dont know. Then one night he said that he's already in a relationship. yes hes in a fucking stupid relationship. It was my worst night again. like im back being the girl im used to be. im broken to pieces again but this time it gets worst. Ive cried every night. wishing that i didnt assume too much. wishing that i didnt get attached easily. wishing that i didnt break my self to pieces just to make him whole. Im so stupid. so fucking goddamn stupid. yes feelings really sucks. like youre wishing that someone will save you from reality but knowing that theyll be get tired and be like others too. By that time i confessed that im not gonna be that girl ive used to be. I know it hurts to see him again. knowing that theyre still together. but hell i know my worth. and i know God has a better plan for me. i think thats all for today. hell im cravin for waffles and coffee cus its raining here. lol just wanna ask
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WHOS INTO BANDS HERE!?!??!? LIKE FFFUUUCCKKK WHO LOVES BANDS HERE TOO???!?!?!?!?? I wanna know just comment down please? and tell me what bands are you into!!! hell i wanna make friends 😂😂😂

-Ellie👽🤘🏿

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