Chapter One

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Faison POV (Fai pictured above just visualize him with hazel green eyes and dimples😂😂💋)

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Faison POV (Fai pictured above just visualize him with hazel green eyes and dimples😂😂💋)

"Fuck Von! Slow down bruh!" I yelled to the nigga who had become like a role model to me, an older brother, a mentor. "We been doing dis for how long Fai? You should be use to dis by now...." I closed my eyes tight and went deep into my thoughts of the days when my parents were involved, together and I didn't have to risk my life in more ways than one to keep security or money in my pockets. I remembered the days my mama would yell at me for getting dirt in my dreads and yell at Bria for eating mud pies....remember when Ava could hardly talk and we would do shit cause she couldn't snitch on us. Mane.... I remembered the days I didn't have to be something I didn't wanna be or do to provide for my little sisters. My eyes flew open as I felt warm liquid hit the back of my head. "Go clean up, we got money to go make lil nigga." Von kissed my back and left the room leaving me bent over with his semen on the back of my head....manhood snatched and pride nonexistent.

This was never what I expected or wanted...I'm not gay. Only nigga I ever fucked was Von and it wasn't because I was attracted to the nigga...naw it was simply because I was 13 years old and naïve. I met him one day stealing out of a grocery store to get food for Bri and Ava. They were crying and complaining about being hungry. We had stopped going to school in fear that CPS would find us and take us and jumped from vacant home to home for a place to sleep at night. I blamed my father for being the fuck nigga he was and abandoning our family for the streets. Got sentenced to life after Ava was born and made my mama work hard to raise 3 kids on her own. I guess you could say I despised the nigga and the streets.....but being in a fucked up predicament and living on the streets have you bout ready to sell, rob or damn near go insane to provide for yo family. That hatred turned to confusion. I didn't know if the nigga was providing for us or addicted to his hustle. But that day I almost got turned in to the police I cried my ass off in the store in fear of being separated from my sisters. I explained to the Korean man that I needed the food and I would stay away for good if he wouldn't turn me in. Muthafucka wasn't hearing it and was ready to place that call to 12.

In came Levon G. one of the few big time dope boys of our day with all his chains and watches on counting ones and fives as he came to the Korean to exchange them for the big bills he had in his register. Levon questioned what was going on eyeing me suspiciously. "He come steal food and drinks I call the police Lev I not taking this shit no more!" Levon held his hand up and came over to me eyeing me asking why I was stealing. I explained and he just paused and looked at me. "Aye Joe don't call the police mane, here go something for the trouble and he won't be back I gotem mane." The Korean shook his head and spoke his native tongue waiting for me and Von to leave. "Why did you help me G?" Levon looked down at me and smirked counting out money of a different wad of 20's and 50's. "Nigga I was in yo shoes before and somebody took me under they wing. Nigga dead and gone now.....I'm 27 now but he died when I was 22... nigga was there for me since I was 10. Ain have a mama or daddy either, no siblings or nothing so I know yo situation a lil harder. Aye doe... I'm willing to put you on some money and a place for you and yo sisters to live at but you gotta be my right hand man you down?" Right then I made a deal with the devil not asking the cost just trying to be a man and provide....I sold my pride, soul and manhood soon to follow. He was true to his word and still is. Been flipping, selling, cooking and traveling with dis nigga since that day. The day he raped me and told me it was out of love had to be the most fucked up day in my life besides my father's incarceration and my mama death. Took advantage of me and made me think this was what we had to do to show each other we loved one another. The nigga that took him under his wing did it to him and I guess you know how cycles go. I can't keep a girlfriend to save my life, this nigga constantly running them away. I contracted a total of 14 STDs throughout these past 7 years in my anus and throat due to his constant bisexual casual sex one night stands with hoes or niggas. And he treat me like I'm his bitch....threatens to find and kill me if I up and go and keeps watch on me like I can carry this nigga kids or something. My sisters think I'm just content and happy go lucky but I'm miserable af and if it wasn't for them I woulda been either committed suicide or ran away not giving a fuck if this nigga found me or not. I feel like my life ain never been favorable to me and quite frankly a nigga tired of this undercover dope boy life I live. Sad part about it now matter what woman I want or have....I still crave Von dick. How can you be in love and hate a nigga at the same time?

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