90210 (Travi$ Scott)

60• Dying or Flying

• 8:22 p.m •

   Can't sleep. I'm stressing again. What I did was wrong. All I want to do is sleep so I don't have to think about it. Counting sheep doesn't work and singing in my head only gets songs stuck in there.
   Jacques is fast asleep, lucky him. I wonder what he did while I was gone. He's probably pissed about me not spending time with him.
   How do I feel about sleeping with Jesse? Good? Bad? In between? No, there's no in between. Only Good or bad but I swear to god Jesse does it better than Jacques. Jacques is stubborn and lazy all together and Jesse is active and gets shit done.
   I'm a bad person. I feel like a slut, can't make up my mind but lord knows  I want it all. I feel greedy, unworthy. I miss my friend, he's probably disappointed in me. Looking down shaking his head. I need to vent to someone. Jamal. I slipped out of bed and went to the couch to call him.

* Phone Call *

Jamal: Hm?
Me: I need to vent.
Jamal: And you called me?
Me: I know, I know! I'm sorry!
Jamal: No, it's fine. I'm actually happy you called on me. I was bored anyway. Pull up.
Me: Alright thanks.

* End of Phone Call *

•

"And I had sex with Jesse." I said finishing up my story.

"Woah..." He scratched his head. "And that wasn't the first time?"

"Mm mm. I feel like hoe but Jesse is so addictive!"

"You not a hoe. You're just confused, I've been there with three hoes actually. The difference between you and them is that you're not slanging your shit everywhere and you're a good person. Don't put yourself down like that. What you're doing isn't good but find who you love the most."

"I love both of them with all my heart and don't want to hurt either one."

"You a pimp or something." He joked. "Sex isn't everything so tell me about each of them. Jesse first."

"Well, he's just everything I want in a guy. Funny, caring, tall, fine, not too controlling, you know."

"And Jacques?" He laid back in his arm chair.

"...Um...he-he's chill but he's lazy, stubborn and boasts too much about the stuff he owns. Especially on his snapchat."

"See there! There's your answer. Notice how you have nice things to say about Jesse but negative things about Jacques."

"But Jesse has a girl."

"Both of y'all some cheating bastards." He shook his head. "Anyway, it'll all work out. Just talk, not with your body but sit down with both of them and talk. NOT AT THE SAME TIME THOUGH!!! Niggas crazy."

I smiled. "Thanks grandpa Jamal."

"Grandpa?!"

"Mhm. You sound like one."

"Get out my house hoe." He hugged me and I left.

•

"Where've you been?" Jacques asked.

"Just talking to Jamal." I slipped into my pajamas.

"About what?" He said in a raspy voice.

"Modeling and stuff." I lied.

"Aite. You gonna sleep with me?"

I got under the covers with my back facing him. "I'm right here."

He wrapped his arms around my waist. It took me a while to fall asleep but I did, and my dream was amazing.