Leap Of Faith

Six

Seph had slept strangely soundly for the first time in what seemed like months. Maybe there was something to be said for “talking about your problems.” She’d just never really felt comfortable discussing the dark thoughts that clouded her mind sometimes.

This wasn’t the first time in her life she’d had these thoughts. Despite growing up and having everything she’d asked for pretty much presented to her on a silver platter, Seph had struggled a lot when she was a teenager. She’d had friends and had been relatively popular at the boarding school she’d been enrolled in. But it always felt like everyone had a preconceived idea of who she was and what she’d be like.

Persephone felt like she struggled to show people the real her because she didn’t know who the real her was. When she was alone she’d sit and think, contemplating if she’d ever know what she wanted from life or who she was. One of the reasons Seph had loved the Alice stories so much is because she’d always felt strangely connected to her, wandering through life quite lost and never knowing which direction she wanted to go in. Just that she wanted to go somewhere.

From a young age she’d been told she’d be joining the family business. It was only when Seph was 13 that she’d realised she didn’t want that, but she just didn’t know what she wanted to do instead. Persephone was fairly certain she wanted to do something to do with art, she had a talent for drawing and designing. In fact when Lux had rebranded a few years ago, it had been her design used on the logo, one of the few times she’d ever shown an interest in the business. Seph had struggled to confide in people as well, Alex being the only truly close friend she’d had. It was her who she’d tell all her secrets to, her who Seph would spend hours laughing with and it was Alex who’d found Seph dragging a razor blade across her thigh when she was 15. It was that night they’d made the lists together, Alex telling Seph that she needed to have something to aim for, something to work towards. She’d spent all night talking with Seph, crying when she realised what her friend had been doing to herself for months and asking her why?

Persephone couldn’t answer her. Because she didn’t know explicitly why she’d started. Just that it helped in some small way. Seeing the little red beads of fluid escaping her skin somehow felt like she was releasing some of the pent up frustrations she felt but couldn’t verbalise. Frustrations that made no sense to anyone else, not even herself sometimes.

“I just want to know who I actually am and not who I’m meant to be. I want to achieve things for me, not for my family or other people,” Seph had told Alex.

“So let’s do it. Tell me what you want to do, anything. Big or small. We’ll put it on a list. And we’ll make a pact to do them all.” She’d replied, pulling out her note book.

And so the lists had been born. And Persephone had put the razor blades away and tried to banish the thoughts she’d been having.

When she’d left school and started university, the list had been pushed to the back of her mind. She gained degrees in Art and Design, and finally sat down and told her parents that she didn’t want to be part of Lux. They were disappointed, the whole family worked there and for their own daughter to tell them that they didn’t want their business was hurtful. Seph felt guilt tripped and like she was letting them down. So she’d relented, going to work in the head office in New York, drawing and designing in her spare time. She’d started designing dresses, putting them together in the evenings and working during the day. Dresses turned into purses and bags, her taking courses in leather work and tailoring to enhance her skills when she was able to.